On Saying Goodbye and Letting Go...

The poem posted here is one I wrote last month. This poem is just another step in a year long journey of examining and evaluating attachments--deciding which to keep and which to release.

Letting go is a difficult task, even when I know that it is the best course of action for my well being and spiritual growth. What might you need to let go of to create new vistas on your spiritual journey?

--Vicky :o)

How Do I say Goodbye?

How do I say goodbye?
When the time has come to leave,
When your path is no longer mine;
And I know now I must go
Or be forever deceived
By the brilliance that is you.
How do I say goodbye?

How do I say goodbye?
When I see that what you say
No longer agrees
With the Voice inside of me,
The One that guides my feet along this path
And knows exactly what I need.
How do I say goodbye?

Realize this:
I do not say—“You are wrong;”
That what you have is not the truth
Indeed it is The Truth for you.
But for me:
The way is clear and I must stand
In The Truth that governs my path, my Way,
And so I simply say . . .
Goodbye.

August 18, 2008
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Whose boat is it anyway?

"The more you let other people tell you how to sail your boat, the less the boat belongs to you." --Vernon Howard

This quote came "sailing" through my email Inbox on a day I truly needed it. And I have used it consistently ever since to remind myself that this life I am living is mine. While I can ask for advice and learn from the experiences of others, I am the final authority, expert, captain of the HMS Vicky. :o)

In my life, I have always put people, whether friends or actual authority figures, in a place of authority--they know more, they have experienced more, they are already perfect, fixed, or somehow more.

Hmmm...I think I see a common thread there--the word more. ;o) The minute someone or something is more in my viewpoint, it means that I am less. And when I am less, I am always needy, searching for that special something or someone able to fill that need. Of course, the reality is there is no need to fill! As someone so aptly put it: "You are the One you are searching for."

After a lot of years of giving my boat away, I am taking back control. It's not easy. There have been some perceived benefits to my allowing others to tell me how to sail my boat:

• I don't have to think for myself or listen to my Higher Self.


• There is always someone or something else to blame when things don't work out. (This perception is obviously not true since it was me who gave the "helm" to someone else!)


• There is a measure of security in being in the same boat with someone else even if it's my boat and he/she is steering!

Ultimately, life is about responsibility. I can either accept that I am responsible for all my choices and decisions--even the ones I make by not making them, or I can go through my life blaming others because my life isn't working out the way I want. I have decided on the former perspective.

About the collage: I made this collage as the cover of a birthday card for the husband of one of my friends. Although I knew he loved the water and boats, I did not know that sailing was one of his most favorite activities.

--Vicky :o)

Birthday card collage
Created using scrapbooking accessories
and a shell from Santa Cruz, California
© 2008 by Vicky Lynn Macchione

Trust Your Gut

The other day when I posted, I was going to use the collage shown with this post. But for some reason--a gut feeling?--I didn't. ;o)

I thought about the collage today because my "gut" is bugging me. It started while I was chewing the last few bits of my organic pumpkin, flax seed cereal with organic soy milk. That last bite tasted like I had eaten cigarette and ash remains that can be found in an ashtray. Now, it's true I have never ever eaten cigarettes and ashes; but when I was young, I had to clean the ashtrays my parents used. For some reason, every time I did, I could taste the ashes. It was a sensation that filled my nose and my mouth! And that's what today reminded me of only the experience was reversed: I tasted the ashes more than smelled them.

I spent about 5 minutes spitting and spewing the remains out of my mouth, gargling, and rinsing my mouth out at least 10 times. At one point, I thought I might actually throw up. (My apologies to those of you with weak guts!) When I finished purging my mouth of the horrid tasting contents, I made note of the time in case I had been poisoned. I have this belief that if you are poisoned, it takes about 20 minutes for the symptoms to set in. (Perhaps the belief came from all the crime dramas I have watched and mysteries I have read!) In any case, I am fine other than my gut is still queasy, and if I think about it, I can still taste and smell those "cigarette remains."

So now the task before me is to determine what exactly is my gut trying to tell me with such a pronounced, multi-sensory experience. After all, in order to TRUST my gut, I have to KNOW what it is saying.

--Vicky :o)

The Summer of Difference

I have not posted much at all this summer. This summer has been a summer of difference: The weather has been unusual--more rain and less warm days. The status quo has shifted often--friendships drawing to a close. Letting go has been the theme. Every time I felt like I had found a place of consistency and regularity and security, some situation would arise that upset that complacent feeling and pointed to another belief, idea, opinion that needed to be released.

There has been no resting place this summer. Either I have had times of excitement because I knew that transformation was imminent or times of disillusionment, when things I believed came in conflict with those beliefs held by my circle of friends and it was necessary to say goodbye--at least for a season.

And now Autumn is just around the corner. Hope swells in me for this new season, the season of harvest. Will I be gathering the seeds of commencement? Will the Autumn sun with its unique warmth and light bring a glowing promise of new way of seeing, perceiving, and embracing Life? I await what unfolds.

--Vicky :o)

"I am through with everything but you." --Rumi

"Wisdom"
Collage Journal page card
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Wordle--Take 2 ;o)

Here is my second attempt at making a word collage ("word cloud") using the online "toy" found on the Wordle site. People use all types of words--from song lyrics to birthday wishes. In this attempt, I gave Wordle my blog URL and let the tool come up with a word cloud. You can see other people's endeavors by checking out the Wordle Gallery. Time to play! --Vicky :o)

Abstract #3 Emerges!

This morning I finished my third abstract on canvas. The title of this one is "Emergence." I feel like the three abstracts show a progression of growth, change, and transformation.

• First, we teem (team) with Life;
  
• Then, we journey to and through the black hole of infinite possibilities;
  
• Finally, we emerge.

I really thought I was going to have to paint over the whole painting because I just couldn't get it right (whatever right is). I kept adding and changing. I was getting very frustrated! Finally, I was able to let go and just leave it as it is. Now, I am mostly pleased with the results.

Someone once said about my collages that they show how much is going on in my mind, they show too many thoughts. Perhaps that's what my abstracts say as well. However, the one thing I love about my collages is that an observer can find something new in them every time they are viewed. I hope that happens with my abstracts, too.

--Vicky :o)

"Emergence"
Acrylics on canvas

© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Abstract #2 on Canvas

I call this abstract "The Black Hole of Infinite Possibilities."

While doing this painting (and my next as well), I don't know when to stop! (Hmmm...Wonder what that means?) So I keep adding paint, and then it feels like a mistake. Then, I have to figure out how to salvage the painting! I'm sure there is a metaphor for my life in that experience.

I was surprised when Michel told me that he liked the black in this painting, even though he said he doesn't really like when I put black. I find that the black adds some kind of depth and development and contrast to this particular abstract. And, of course, the black swirl IS the black hole mentioned in the title.

One element Michel doesn't like is the swirl of paints I use. I love the swirls; they remind me of gratitude because they remind me of the Go Gratitude logo (shown below):

Expressing gratitude is something I need to remind myself to do often, which is why I put them in my paintings! Also, swirls always remind me of space and galaxies and awesome wonders of the Universe. So captured in a swirl is thankfulness and limitless creativity. Not bad for a twist of color!

--Vicky ;o)

"The Black Hole of Infinite Possibilities"
Acrylics on Canvas

© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

A Title for Abstract #1

Today I finished my second abstract on canvas, which I will be posting later. But an interesting thing happened when I was writing the title on the back of the painting: I got a title for the first abstract I did. You can see my first abstract here.

Drum roll please!

The title is "Teeming with Life." What is even more special about the title is that the word teeming is a homophone of the word "teaming." So the abstract has two meanings! (I LOVE when that happens!) Not only does the painting capture the feeling of Life's wild abundance and overflowing vibrancy--the teemingness of Life, but it also has a message: Join Life's team and embrace that wild abundance and overflowing vibrancy moment by moment in your own life!

--Vicky :o)

P.S.A homophone is a word that is pronounced the same as another word but has a different spelling and meaning. I always thought those were homonyms but Wikipedia corrected me today!

The Eyes of Spring

I created this mask for a young woman who works at the café to which I go almost daily. Her birthday is tomorrow and she will be 21 year old.

I titled the mask "The Eyes of Spring." There are so many eyes on the mask! I am particularly drawn to the girl on the forehead. That image captures qualities that I see in the woman at the café--fragility and gentleness coupled with determination and intensity.

I am not sure why I created a mask, but I love the fact that there are so many images of Spring--apple blossoms, grass, daffodils. There is a "knowingness" reflected in all of the "eyes." Something that promises new life and new hope even when the cold and barrenness of winter does not seem to want to release its hold on our hearts and our perspectives.

The Eyes of Spring know.

--Vicky :o)

"The Eyes of Spring"

Collaged Mask

© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Abstract #2 -- The Promise of Spring

Yesterday (Easter), I painted this abstract. It's the size of one of my collage cards. Originally, I thought I would use it as a background for a collage. But when I finished, I just loved it so much that I decided to keep it as is.

I have titled the painting, "Spring's Promise." To me it has the feel of flowers bursting, of Life emerging from winter's darkness, of newness, growth, and abundance.

I have been longing for Spring this year more than usual because the winter in Montréal has been quite long. We have come close to a snowfall record that was set back in 1971 (383 cm is the record). How very appropriate is this little abstract painting: a reminder to me that Spring always follows winter and the promise of new life awaits to burst forth!

Happy Easter and Happy Spring!

--Vicky :o)

Spring's Promise
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Celebrating Birth Days

My younger daughter had her birthday in February. She happened to look at my blog today and pointed out that I hadn't put any of the cards I have made for her on my blog. So I told her I would. :o)

This is the birthday card I created for her this year. The interesting part of the card is that it is in black and white. For several days before I created the card, I had the chorus of a song called "Shades of Gray" by the Monkees playing over and over in my mind. Here are the lyrics:

But today there is no day or night
Today there is no dark or light.
Today there is no black or white,
Only shades of gray.

It was these lyrics that led me to create the card in black and white. And, later I realized the only color on the card is surrounding the phrase "Be Yourself," which I believe is a message directed to my daughter from the Universe. This message correlates with the poem I wrote for her:

On this the day of your Birth
What messages will the Universe write?
Lovingly etched in the journal of the Soul,
Eternally recorded in black and white.

What Ideas whisper in your ear?
What Dreams below the surface lie?
What Desires inspire and stir your Heart?
What Visions await your perceptive eye?

Seek your answers deep inside. . .
It's there the truest Wisdom abides.

--Vicky :o)

Card and Poem
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Slowly Wading into Abstracts

I was inspired by a documentary Michel and I watched to try some abstract painting. The name of the documentary was My Kid Could Paint That. While the documentary may not have been favorable toward its subject, Marla Olmstead and her family, I was inspired by watching the cute little kidlet applying paint to the canvas. So I decided to buy some acrylics and some 8 x 10 canvases and give it a try.

What I hope to do with the abstracts I create is to use them as backgrounds for my collages, which means I am slowly taking steps toward the realm of mixed media.

When I finished my painting (no title yet), I was quite happy with it. I feel like there is an organic quality about it that shows my desire for spiritual growth and abundance. At the very least, I know using the different colors brought me healing and balancing of my energies. And, painting it was extremely fun!!!! :o)

Abstract
Acrylics on Canvas
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Every Day is Valentine's Day!

Spontaneous times are often the most memorable!

Michel and I had a lovely Valentine's Day this year, despite the fact that he believes that this "holiday" is only a commercial gimmick. (To be honest, I have only come around to this thinking in the past year or so.) He has told me any number of times that Valentine's Day is every day not just one day a year. So I have to say I was surprised (pleasantly I must say!) to find an e-card in my Yahoo Inbox this year.

Two girls who work at the café I frequent daily had been encouraging me the day before to do something romantic for Michel. So I decided to create a card for him, which I have included with this post.

Later, while I was washing dishes, I thought perhaps we could go to dinner that evening. About 30 minutes later, Michel called to say that we should go to dinner! I love when we connect in our thoughts that way.

We had a lovely dinner at a Japanese restaurant near our apartment and then had a wonderful dessert and coffee at the café. No big plans, no big expectations, and yet our evening was special, charming, and romantic. Now how can I put this kind of spontaneity to work in my daily life?

--Vicky :o)

"You opened the door . . . to my Heart!"
Valentine's Day card
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

The Title Arrives

So this afternoon the title of the card on my previous post arrived. The card's title is:

"Unmasked: The Contents are Goddesses"

--Vicky :o)

beliEve: Contents are Goddesses

I just finished this card that I originally created as the front of a birthday card for my oldest daughter. Her birthday is at the end of next month.

The title of this card has not made itself known to me; however, here are several observations that I made about this card.

• I love the way the word believe is spelled: beliEve. The name Eve comes from the Hebrew and means life. The women on this card are all vibrant with life so the name Eve emphasized in the word believe is very appropriate.
  
  
• Did you notice the other words in the title of this post? These words are also found on the card. The word Contents is found on the door. The words are and Goddesses are found at the bottom center of the card. Ironically, I did not remember that the word are appeared with the word Goddesses. But as I look at the card, its contents are indeed goddesses. (Another reference to Eve as well.)
  
  
• This card can be viewed in conjunction with the card discussed in my previous post "Seeing Behind the Mask." There are some striking similarities and contrasts. Take a moment to look at the two cards together and see what you discover.

--Vicky :o)

Collaged Birthday Card Print
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Seeing Behind the Mask

"I love it when a plan comes together." -- John "Hannibal" Smith, The A-Team

The title of this card is "The Women Behind the Mask." The idea for this card came when I found out that the mask cutout would "fit" perfectly on another cutout of a face. From that discovery came the idea of showing what lies behind the mask. And what lies behind this woman's mask? A melange of women who represent the feminine in each of us, men included. (Side note: Michel's first comment when seeing this card was: "It's all women!") ;o)

I put the quote at the beginning of this post because that's how I feel about this card. One little discovery and an entire card results. How great is that? So here's my paraphrase of the quote: "I love it when a collage comes together!"

--Vicky :o)

"The Women Behind the Mask"
Intuitive Collage Card
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Field of Grace

Today, I am posting a poem I "received" on January 14, 2008.

A Life's Purpose

To live in Beauty of the night,
To walk each moment not by sight,
To change illusions without might,
To utter "Thank You" despite my plight;
To raise awareness as I go,
To surrender will to Divine Flow,
To rely on Truth not what I know,
To walk this path is my goal.

©2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

This page from my collage journal is entitled "Field of Grace," a phrase I saw recently in a Caroline Myss newsletter. What does this phrase say to you?

--Vicky :o)

"Field of Grace"
Collage Journal Page
©2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

My Own Measure of Magic

After I finished Julia's card (see yesterday's post), I was doing a lot of thinking about Magic and how I see it in my life. So I created this collage in my collage journal. (The date is when I made the collage.)

I just noticed today that my "tape measure" is held within the sun; it is the base. That makes sense to me because I am a Leo and the Sun is my ruler. (Do you see the double meaning there? Ruler=King; Ruler=a measure) When I discover a realization, insight, or message like that in a collage, for me, that is real magic. Now, I can ask myself how the sun in my life (what is the sun in my life?) measures magic: now, I can discover a new way to look at how magic operates in my life.

Another image I love in this collage is the nest of "hands." Although one could look at this sculpture and see the parallel between a mother bird and her babies in the nest and a mother's hand and her children's hands, what I see is God/Source/the Universe and all of us. All of our "little" hands reaching our to join the Eternal Hand of God. For me, that reaching out is magic.

Finally--although there is always more to discover--there is the "eye" in the flower and the "eye" in the peacock feather. One exists in imagination; the other exists in Nature. Which is more real? For me, imagination and seeing life as a dream and dreams as reality is magic.

"Whether we name divine presence synchronicity, serendipity, or graced moment matters little. What matters is the reality that our hearts have been understood. Nothing is as real as a healthy dose of MAGIC which restores our spirits." --Nancy Long

"A deep man believes in miracles, waits for them, believes in magic, believes that the orator will decompose his adversary; believes that the evil eye can wither, that the heart’s blessing can heal; that love can exalt talent; can overcome all odds." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

--Vicky :o)

"My Own Measure of Magic"
Collage Journal Page
©2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Do you believe in Magic?

"... for magic to happen in your life, you must believe in magic."

--Grandmother, quoted by Lynn Andrews

I created this card for my friend Julia to celebrate her birthday in October. She's a very unique individual, and we have been friends for 10 years. We met at work and grew our friendship from there. Some friends are in your life for the duration; Julia is one of those, and I'm grateful to have her!

I would say that Julia's "magic" is of the practical variety, which may seem a paradox to some people but she carries it off with style and grace! This card illustrates the paradox and demonstrates the touch of magic that she is--exampled by a tree growing a chair or roses emerging from stones!

I used the quotation by Lynn Andrews in conjunction with her card. Grandmothers are so wise! No matter how pragmatic you are, if you believe in magic, if you look for magic, if you cherish, inspire, and create magic, Magic will appear in your life. This is the message the card brought me. What message is the Universe sending you?

--Vicky :o)

P.S.Here are some additional "magical" quotes to think about.

"Intuition whispers true: We’re not dust, we’re magic!" --Richard Bach

"The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." --Eden Phillpotts

"Magic is believing in yourself; if you can do that, you can make anything happen." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Magic is not a practice. It is a living, breathing web of energy that, with our permission, can encase our every action." --Dorothy Morrison, Everyday Magic

"Heart of Magic"
Intuitive Collage
©2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

The "Eyes" Have It

In light of my intention to look at everything as a message from the Universe, I have been hyper-aware of "eyes." Not only have my "real" eyes been in my conscious awareness due to sensitivity to light and a feeling of itchiness, but "eye" pictures (eye of Horus, God's eye in the galaxy, a photo of an eclipse that looked like an eye), "eye" words (insight, clairvoyance, clair-obscure, clair-0btuse, vision, obvious), "eye" functions (seeing, not seeing what is obvious, reading) keep showing up in my waking and dreaming life.

One instance of this "eye" influx is in a new friend's blog, Art in Every Day. She had mentioned this recurring image that was occurring in her drawings, and because of the reference she used (the Lemony Snicket movie), I knew that the mandala she mentioned she was going to post would have the image of an eye! And, sure enough, it does.

So what do I make of all these "eyes?" I'm not clear other than to say that the Universe has got my attention! (And, I am paying attention to the parallel "sound" message of "I" as well!) To illustrate my willingness to hear, see and understand, I am including a page from my collage journal entitled "Enlighten Me" that I created in September of last year. Thank you for the messages; please enlighten me!

--Vicky :o)

"Enlighten Me"

Collage Journal Page

© 2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Happy 2008--The Year of Fearless Living!

So one year has ended and another begun! I was very happy to see 2007 depart. For me it was a long year full of facing fears; in fact, I named 2007 the Year of Fear. My biggest fears have always been about being sick or having some serious disease. However, I discovered those fears reduce down to one--death.

That realization was a surprise to me. I always thought my fears were about being sick or suffering while being sick, but I discovered that my fears were also about not finding out I was sick in time, which meant I would die. Or making the wrong decision about a symptom or illness, which meant I would die. Or (and this is rather laughable) having both of the above occur and then have people shake their heads in pity or disgust and say that I should have known better; I should have followed the current medical opinions; I should have done this or that so I would not be facing death. Ultimately, they would say it was my fault. And, of course, that is another type of death--death of the ego!

So as 2008 begins, I intend to acknowledge my fear of death, which I am doing right now, and to see it as a symptom of an energetic imbalance in my life. In addition, I intend to look at each moment--each situation, symptom, problem, etc.--as a message from the Universe, which it is and always has been.

As I begin a new year, I decided to include a collage I created during the summer called "Soul Compass." (I made the collage in response to an exercise in Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way.) I assembled the collage on a piece of wood shaped like a bread board (or pizza board). The words on the collage are from Isaiah 30:21 ". . . your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way: walk in it.'" How appropriate and relevant those words are when considering my intention for 2008. Once again, I stand amazed at the wisdom of the Universe who inspires my Soul to create collages whose message become relevant at the perfect moment!

--Vicky :o)

"Soul Compass"

Collage on Wood

©2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Have Yourself a Happy Little Holiday!

Such a long time and "'Unseen' Devotion"

It has been quite a while since I have posted. I would title my journey through the last 3 months as "The Period of Highs and Lows," and the abstract to this period would read: The experiences I had were either very, very good or very, very bad and when they were bad they were awful (from my perspective, of course). :o)

I have posted my latest Intuitive Collage (the cards formerly known as Collage Cards). I created it in honor of a friend whose birthday is today. I have titled this collage: "Unseen" Devotion. Now, please take note of the quotation marks around the word unseen because they are very important. They indicate that the devotion represented by the angel's face is for those unlimited possibilities that exist in the realm of Grace. (One definition of grace that I absolutely love is "the Uncreated Divine Energies of God.") Her focus, then, is on all those divine and energetic experiences and situations that are flowing all around each of us that have not yet been created.

--Vicky :o)

"'Unseen' Devotion"
Intuitive Collage
©2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

The Birth of a Collage Card

It's been over a month since I posted! I have been busy making cards. I made the collage card I am posting today a few weeks ago. When I was creating it, I did not realize that it was going to be for someone. When I finished, I knew it was for my sister, whose birthday is August 21.

This card evolved rather differently. I had these leftover strips of paper that I decided to weave together like children do for art projects when they are in grade school. Once I had finished weaving them, I thought they might look good as a background for a card. Then, I got this idea to put pictures that represented the 5 senses--the heart represents the sense of touch or feeling.

In my search for pictures, I had also cut out a key and chosen the flow of stars. I wasn't sure why until I saw the 5 senses on the woven background. I realized that the woven background, which seemed like a tapestry to me, represented one's life and the 5 senses were the gateways or means by which we gather the threads.

But there was something missing: the key. The key represents our thoughts, what we think about and how we define what we see, hear, taste, smell, and touch/feel. With our thoughts we construct or weave the tapestry of our lives.

To also represent this key, I included some quotations. One in particular repeated itself in my head: "...for there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so."--William Shakespeare, Hamlet. The other quote found me shortly before I mailed the card: "The best way to predict your future is to create it."--Peter Drucker.

I added the flow of stars to represent the influence of the Soul and the Universe/God/Source. That input also guides how we create our life tapestry. And to ensure that the idea of creation was evident, I included the hands from Michelangelo's painting of God creating Adam.

And that's how Creating the Tapestry of Your Life was birthed!

--Vicky :o


"Creating the Tapestry of Your Life"
Collage Card
© 2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

My Gypsy Soul: Where Will It Take Me?

This is the third card of the three I mentioned yesterday. When I made the three cards, I was actually testing how to glue on the surface I am using. After I made the card titled "Time to Create," I knew immediately it was for my friend Mary. I used it for her birthday in May. The significance behind the pictures I chose and her life was pretty astounding!

I already explained a bit about the card called "Blooming Wisdom" in yesterday's blog entry.

Today's card took time to finish. I found the words "Gypsy Soul" a week or so ago. The words "flushed with pleasure" I found only yesterday! Sometimes collages are like that. They take time to be "born."

This card represents a transformation through which I am going. I have always been a "straight-arrow" rule-follower. I have always been out for perfection. I have always minded my "p's and q's"! But that attitude has been changing in the last few years. And, if the astrology reading I received recently is any indication of my Soul's goals, there will be a lot more that coming in the future.

What I love about this card is the tension between "Good Conduct" and a woman who is so obviously and audaciously NOT about good conduct and who wants to live a life "flushed with pleasure." Deep within this woman is her Gypsy Soul in infant form, just waiting to emerge. When will that gypsy soul make her appearance? There is no time marked on the clock, so it could be at any moment!

I hope when people see my cards, they find a message for themselves as well. While I may create my cards alone, I never create in a vacuum because I am always connected to All through Oneness. After all, as I have read in many places in the last few months: "There is only One of us here." --Vicky :o)

"Gypsy Soul"

Collage Card
© 2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Blooming Wisdom

This is one of 3 cards that I created at about the same time. The first--"Time to Create"--is also on my blog. The third is still not quite finished. This one--"Blooming Wisdom"--is one of my favorites thus far.

The basic premise of the card is that wisdom doesn't just grow from childhood but actually blooms throughout our lives as it develops within us. And those blooms are often different in their timing, appearance, and fragrance to ourselves and others.

Sometimes I don't know why I put elements on a collage card. In this case, I added the words "Life is Art." Perhaps that was the wisdom being shared with me the day I created the card, telling me that my next event of Wisdom blooming is represented by my art.

The fact is that whenever I create a card or collage, there is always a message for me, even when the card is created for someone else. So I always feel doubly blessed: I get to do art I love for someone else to bless them and I receive something that I need for my journey. --Vicky :o)

"Blooming Wisdom"
Collage Card
© 2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Speaking Archetypes

A friend commissioned me to create a collage card for her friend whose birthday was in June. This was my first attempt to create such a card for someone whom I really didn't know. I only knew bits and pieces through our mutual friend. I have to admit I was a bit doubtful.

I have come to believe that when I create a collage for someone there is a Force (the Source, the Universe, God) bigger than me at work. For example, with this card, I knew immediately that the card must have archetypes, must have some reference to Einstein, and must have a quote by Carl Jung.

As I began to work on the card, I knew it had to have elements in black and white, the woman's picture with the intense eyes had to be used, and there had to be a writing instrument, a compass, and a clock.

My friend has seen a copy of the card and has told me that I am right on in my choices. That pleases me, of course. I look forward to hearing how the recipient of the card views the imagery, what it means to her.

I think what has been most important and beneficial in the creation of this card is that I was continually confronted with a choice during the creative process: Either I trust that I am guided in the creation of these cards--in other words, I believe as fact that the Source knows all, is in all, inspires all, and ultimately creates all through us--or I don't. My choice? Definitely to trust in the guidance of Source!

--Vicky ;o)

"Speaking Archetypes"
Collage Card
© 2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Finding Grace

I created this card for my friend Sue who is celebrating her 70th birthday this month. She has always referred to God or the Source as Grace.

She herself is one of the most gracious people I know and always exhibits "Grace under pressure," even when facing circumstances that many people would find overwhelming.

I am always amazed at how my collages turn out. For example, it took my boyfriend to notice that when one puts the words together that appear on the card, they make sense as a sentence: "Teach others who knows Grace." For me, they were just words that needed to be on the card! I chose them because they described or symbolized Sue. In fact, I added the small slip of paper with "who knows" after I thought the collage was finished. I had to go back through my collage cut outs to find that paper again!

I am looking forward to Sue receiving her card in the mail and finding out the significance for her. There seems always to be one that I am never aware of. That's the beauty of collage: it is possible to tap into the collective consciousness of the Universe and uncover the messages that will touch our Soul.

--Vicky :o)

"Finding Grace"
Collage Card
© 2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Collaging My Collages: How Her Words Encouraged My Art

I created this collage as a gift for someone who has encouraged me in my collage artistry.

The center collage, "In Her Image," was one of the first collages I created as an adult. (I had not done any collage work since I was a kidlet of 12 or 13.) In it, I illustrate that women are searching for that perfect image--but whose image is it?

The frame around the center collage are reductions of collages, life stamps, and cards I made after this person mentioned how much she liked the center collage.

There is also a quote from Proverbs 25:11 in French: "Des paroles justes dites au bon moment sont comme abricots d'or avec des ciselures d'argent." The verse in English reads: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." (KJV)

I also included a personal message to her in French, thanking her for her encouragement and wishing her a happy birthday.

Words are powerful tools that can help build or destroy a person's vision. Choose them wisely!

--Vicky :o)

"A Word Fitly Spoken..."
Collage
© 2006 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Time for a Change!

I have decided to make major changes in my blog. Check back to see what my brain and heart come up with! (Oh no, I ended the sentence with a preposition! What next?)

--Vicky ;o)

"Time to Create"

Collage Card

© 2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione

3-month update!

It's been ages since I have written on my blog! Here's a quick update on the last 3 months.

My ankle continues to heal and the discomfort I feel is less and less each day. I'm riding my bicycle outside again, gaining strength, and rebuilding muscle lost while recuperating.

I just finished an intensive French writing course. I enjoyed it and met some pretty neat people.

I have been reading lots while recuperating, which means lots of visits to the library. Fortunately for me, it's about 8 blocks away, which allows me to get my practice walk (for strengthening my ankle) in every time I go.

On June 24, Michel (the man who is my life partner) and I will celebrate our anniversary--5 years of living together!

So while this year has been quite different from those in the past, I find that so far, it's been a year of growth and new beginnings and gratitude. I'm grateful that our bodies heal the way they do and that a broken bone can repair itself. I'm grateful that there are those people who train to help you rebuild your body after an accident. I'm grateful for those people who have kept me in their healing thoughts and have given me wisdom and advice during this time.

My goal for the second half of the year is to remember what I have learned, keep practicing the lessons, and express joy, love, and gratitude for each day as it comes. :o)

Take care in gratitude! --Vicky :o)

We each get a lifetime . . .

Since I have been housebound because of my broken ankle and subsequent recovery, Michel has been going to the library for me. Sometimes, I give him a list of books to get for me, which he does. But he also surprises me with something else he thinks I might like to read. One of those surprises has been The Sandman, a series of 10 bound volumes of comic books about the Dream Lord and his family, the Endless. I have really enjoyed reading them, and I love the collage artistry of the covers.

In the seventh volume entitled Brief Lives , Death, one of Dream's sisters, comes for a man who has lived for 15,000 years. He is amazed that after such a long life, he is dying as a result of a freak accident.

He says to Death: "But I did okay, didn't I? I mean I got, what, fifteen thousand years. That's pretty good. Isn't it? I lived a pretty long time."

Death (who is portrayed as a warm and charming young woman) responds: "You lived what anybody gets, Bernie. You got a lifetime. No more. No less. You got a lifetime."

(Neil Gaiman, The Sandman No. 43, Nov. 1992, pg. 5)

I have been thinking about Death's response ever since I read this conversation. What she says is reality in these Earth bodies--we get a lifetime. No guarantees how long or how short that lifetime will be, but we all get a lifetime. One morning we will wake up and it will be our last morning, our last day on Earth, our last day in the body we have called our home on Earth.

The idea of a lifetime is a great equalizer: none of us knows the length of our lifetime. We only know we each have been given an Earth "lifetime" to learn our lessons, to discover our spiritual selves, to live our purpose, to love others and ourselves.

What will you do with your lifetime? What will I do with mine? How does that question affect my choices for this day? What if today were my last, what would I do?

That last question is how Paolo Coelho approaches the subject of lifetime. He talks about journeying each day with Death as our "friend and counselor" (The Pilgrimage, page 148). Coelho believes that the awareness of Death need not bring fear but, instead, invites us to view each moment as a time (NOW) that overflows with life:

He [Death] was not going to allow me to put off until tomorrow what I should be enjoying today. He was not going to let me flee from life's battles, and he was going to help me fight the good fight. Never again, ever, was I going to feel ridiculous about doing anything. Because he was there, saying that when he took me in hand to travel with me to other worlds, I should leave behind the greatest sin of all: regret. With the certainty of his presence and the gentleness of his face, I was sure that I was going to drink from the fountain of life. (Paolo Coelho, The Pilgrimage, page 148)

Take care in gratitude! --Vicky :o)

Living life in the Here and Now

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans” --John Lennon

This quote by John Lennon has been on my mind a lot lately. I find it coincides with the theme of my last post about accepting what is and living the life I am presented right now rather than longing for an ideal life some time in the future.

For the past year or so, Michel and I have lived a life of changes, which required a lot of adjustments for us to find time together. Here are some examples:

Michel had three different jobs. Two consecutive internships/jobs while he was completing his Cegep program and during the summer. Each was constantly changing his work schedule--sometimes days, other times evenings and weekends, etc. His current position, although providing a more consistent schedule, requires time away for training and some overtime.

The students in Quebec went on strike, which completely changed the school schedule and the timing of Michel's summer internship.

In Spring, I attended a 6-hour per day intensive French-language program for 11 weeks.

We moved to a very different section of Montreal than where we had lived for over 4 years.

We went to California for a kind-of vacation but mostly so I could close out my storage locker (a very big job!) and my bank accounts there because I am a permanent resident of Canada now.

Throughout all these changes, we would tell each other--"As soon as you finish college, our life will feel more normal. As soon as we finish the tasks in California, we can begin to live again. As soon as this or that is over, we can live the life we want to live" The irony, of course, is that during all these changes, we were living. The changes were our life. The normalcy we were looking for was based on some ideal we had in our minds as well as on a comparison to what our life together looked like before these changes started happening. And while we were focusing on the past and the future or (to paraphrase John Lennon)while we were busy making other plans, our life was marching on, our life was happening.

To accept what life is now and to live life here and now takes awareness and effort. Often, I focus on what isn't happening or what I don't have. Having this focus tends to make me ungrateful and a complainer. Much better for me to look at what I do have in my life and appreciate those things. Much better for me to accept the "present" for the gift it is and find the joy in and the enjoyment of Here and Now. Much better for me to live the life experiences I am given instead of missing my life altogether because I am busy making other plans.

Take care in gratitude! --Vicky :o)

Accepting What Is

One of the first lessons I started to learn after I broke my ankle was to accept what had happened and what was happening as a result of the fall. My first instinct was not acceptance, however. My first instinct was to upbraid my clumsiness and to keep thinking back to the moments before the fall and how I could have changed the ultimate result. So, swirling in my mind were questions:

Why didn't we drive to the restaurant with Michel's aunt and uncle?

Why didn't we let his mother drive us instead of insisting on walking the 4 blocks to the restaurant?

Why didn't I allow Michel go back to the house and get the gloves I forgot?

Why didn't I accept Michel's offer to use his gloves?

WHY DID I HAVE TO FALL AND BREAK MY ANKLE?

These questions continued until the next day. At some point, I asked Michel the last one...Why did I have to fall and break my ankle? He said that the fact was I had broken my ankle and that's the way it was. No amount of questioning or replaying scenarios would change the fact. In other words, I could fight against what had happened through these useless mind games or I could accept what happened and live the life that resulted because of what had happened.

This exchange with Michel brought about a real "aha" moment for me. I felt that my eyes were opened and so was my understanding. At the time, I was familiar with Byron Katie's Work about loving what is but now I saw its direct relevance to my life. I realized that all those mind games just made me more and more frustrated. They closed me off to living in the present moment. They created mental exhaustion and stress, which has been proven to have an effect on healing. They focused my attention on the problem of my broken ankle instead of on the possible solutions to aid in its healing.

As I look back on that day, I realize that that "aha" moment has helped me throughout the healing process. In fact, I used it just the other day when I was wishing I could be walking to the store. I kept thinking, "I want to be outside. I want to be walking. I don't want to use my crutches any more. I'm going crazy staying inside all the time." On and on my wild thoughts went, until all of a sudden some different thoughts came through: "Why not be grateful for how well your ankle has healed already? Why not accept that right now this is what is happening in your life? Why not live right now?" Those thoughts stopped the wild ride on which my mind had been flying. Once again, I was centered and accepting of my life and my situation exactly as they were.

This lesson is one that I will learn over and over I'm sure. I strive so hard in my life, and yet all that striving and worrying makes living life less than enjoyable. In this case, though, once I let go of the wild thoughts, I was able to focus on healing and to learn to enjoy the quiet time I had been given. I was able to see and open myself to the lessons that presented themselves as a result of breaking my ankle. I was able to live life the way it was instead of the way I wanted it to be.

Take care in gratitude, Vicky :o)

Let the words fall where they may!

I tried to write a post yesterday but couldn't seem to find exactly what I was trying to communicate. I saved the draft and yet I still had the nagging feeling that what I had written wasn't what I wanted to write, which sounds a little bizarre. ;o)

After I broke my ankle, I made a semi-promise to myself that I will write more--daily is my goal--and my blog is a perfect forum to achieve that goal. I started out well and then felt disappointed and rejected when I realized that only a very few people were actually reading my blog. I worked through those feelings and came to the realization that I'm writing for myself--to explore and clarify my spiritual journey--not for those who may or may not read my blog. That's not to say that what I write won't be helpful to others. After all, we are all walking this Earth-school journey together; we are all students and teachers. However, my writing goal can never be to win the approval of or to impress others.

Yesterday's experience revealed a couple of insights to me: 1. I am still trying to impress my readers. ;o) 2. I'm not allowing the Universe/Source/God to guide me in my writing.

Today, I am making a conscious decision to allow the Universe to guide me, to write what I honestly think, feel, and experience, and to let the words fall where they may!

Take care in gratitude! Vicky :o)

I don't have time or I don't want to?

"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time,' is like saying, 'I don't want to.'"--Lao-Tzu

This quote is one of my favorites. Even though my life now is not as busy as several years ago, when I was working full time and raising three kidlets with my ex-husband, I still find myself saying "I don't have time." The truth is that I always make time to do the things I truly want to do. So, why do I say I don't have the time?

Exercise is one example of this dilemma in my life. There are days when I think, "I don't have time to exercise today. I'll do it tomorrow." The fact is that I do have the time, I just don't want to put out the energy. For some reason, laying down on the mat and doing my series of stomach exercises and lifting free weights just seems like such an enormous task that will take too much time and energy. Ironically, the actual time is about 15 to 20 minutes tops! And, I am pretty sure that procrastinating wastes more energy than actually doing the exercises. What's really going on?

At some level, I think I'm rebelling. There's some societal/parental voice in my head that tells me I should exercise every day. And the minute my inner child hears that edict, she rebels because she really hates being told what to do. ;o) In addition, my inner child looks at exercise as work--well, any type of exercise that is done within the confines of my apartment. Riding my bicycle outside seems much more like play to her than riding my bicycle inside when it is set up on the trainer. Play is much more fun than work!

Even though I can discipline myself to exercise a lot of the time, I think I will never overcome the struggle with my inner child until I can find, feel, or sense the "want to." How to do that is not apparent just yet. Until then, I will continue to use Lao-Tzu's quote to keep me aware of the real meaning of the phrase "I don't have time" not just in the area of exercise but in all areas of my life.

Take care in gratitude, Vicky :o)

Anger: Looking in the mirror of unmet needs

The other day I received a daily inspirational email from Higher Awareness.com (check my list of "Links to Explore"). The subject was anger and this quote drew my attention: "It’s our thinking - our blaming and judgment - that causes the anger. And we blame and judge because we have a need that has not been met." (Emphasis mine.)

Not one to accept ideas at face value, I started thinking back to the recent conflicts that I had had with Michel, conflicts in which I felt angry. As I did so, I realized that behind the anger was a indeed an unmet need. And not just the need to be right! :o) Sometimes, it was the need to be heard or to be believed or to be understood. Examining these needs revealed to me that each is a facet of what I define as love and is part of those "rules/laws" that I have implemented to govern my relationships and my life. (See blog entry about offenses.)

The irony of unmet needs is that I am the only one that can fulfill them! In fact, what the conflict and the subsequent anger indicate is that I'm not taking responsibility for the underlying need! For example, if I am feeling:

The need to be heard--The question for me is: How often do I listen to myself, to the wisdom of my Soul?

The need to be believed--The questions for me are: To what degree do I trust in what I believe is true? How much do I believe in myself, my experience, my feelings?

The need to be understood--The questions for me are: How understanding am I about what is happening in my life? How compassionate am I toward myself?

The need for love--The questions for me are: How am I demonstrating love to myself? How can I show myself more love?

I am a person who hates conflict and angry feelings. This quote shows me that anger is actually a mirror, revealing what I consider the unmet needs in my life. So, I don't need to blame or judge another when my anger surfaces. Instead, conflicts and angry feelings provide an opportunity for me to see my unmet needs, examine them, and take responsibility for them.

Take care in gratitude! --Vicky :o)

"Thank God Almighty. . .I'm Free of Cast!"

Yesterday I got the cast removed from my leg! Thankfully, I am free of that bulky obstacle that made simple tasks such a challenge.

The way one's leg looks after having worn a cast for 5-1/2 weeks is a bit disconcerting. In my case, the skin on my leg and ankle looked all crackled--kind of like a very old oil painting. Michel teased me, saying that I was putting "Vicky dandruff" everywhere because of all the dry and dead skin that was falling off my once hidden extremity. My ankle and lower calf were still quite swollen and the large bruise on the inside of my foot was still there, resplendent with shades of blue, purple, and red. And my first step on that foot was so strange! The bottom of my foot felt numb and stiff, kind of like it had been asleep for the last 5-1/2 weeks! Despite all these changes, I was overjoyed to see my leg and ankle again.

Of course, the healing process is not yet complete. New bone tissue will continue to harden. Over the next months, my body will add more and more bone to where the breaks occurred. Physical therapy will help me restore the strength to my atrophied muscles and a full range of movement to my ankle. Any ligaments that were damaged because of the fall will take additional time to heal, which means my ankle will continue to swell. My skin texture will eventually cease crackling, as the dead and dry skin is replaced by new skin cells. Bruises and redness will disappear. All will be healed and restored in time. What amazing healing machines our bodies are!

So as I embrace this new chapter of my broken ankle saga, I shout with a heart full of appreciation and gratitude:

"Free of cast! Free of cast! Thank God Almighty! I'm free of cast!"

Take care in gratitude--Vicky :o)

P.S.Thanks to Dr. Martin Luther King for his often quoted phrase, which I adapted for my gratitude declaration.

The anatomy of an offense

As so often happens in life, an offense occurred shortly after I wrote my last post. Since I didn't do it at the time, I thought I would take the time now to examine the "anatomy" of that offense by using the questions I talked about in my previous post.

First, here's a description of the offense. I had made a comment to Michel about something or asked him to do something for me. (As so often happens in an offense, the reason it comes about is forgotten!) He said the following to me (as a joke, I found out later): "My name is Vicky. I love to complain." What a reaction those few words caused inside of me! I was angry at Michel for criticizing me because I wasn't complaining at all!

Now, I want to examine this offense through the lens of the questions I posed.

Question #1. What rule/belief did the person violate?
I was not aware I had a rule about complaining, although I am pretty sure that I have had the belief that compaining is BAD for a very long time! I'm sure it is a generational belief--passed from parent to child for all of eternity. I would guess that most people look at complaining as something we should endeavor NOT to do. So what rule did the person violate? Complaining is a bad thing that is not acceptable as part of my personality.

2. For what reason do I have that rule/belief?
As mentioned above, I have that rule/belief because it was passed on to me as a cultural norm or as a proper standard of behavior. Because I am now looking at this belief, I can decide if that rule/belief is one that I want in my life.

3. How important is that rule/belief to me now?
Based on my reaction, this rule/belief was important to me. Now, I'm not so sure. I need to examine this rule/belief more carefully. What exactly is complaining? When is it acceptable to complain? What makes complaining wrong or right? Without looking at these types of questions, I can't determine if this rule/belief is one that is necessary or helpful in my life. Ultimately, this rule/belief creates a judgment situation--either I'm good or bad--which eliminates the possibility of my accepting myself exactly as I am in a given moment and of accepting the situation as it plays out.

4. What particular significance or meaning have I assigned to the person's response?
Ah, the crux of the matter! When Michel said these words to me, I thought he was judging or criticizing me and saying I wasn't a good, nice, wonderful, _________________ (fill in the blank with a positive adjective) person. Isn't it interesting that I assigned my own judgment about complaining to the words that Michel said? There is no way I could know why Michel said what he did without asking him. But as soon as his words were spoken, I immediately felt like he was saying I was bad, bad, bad!

5. How do I know if that significance or meaning is true?
As indicated in the previous answer, I could not know if the significance I gave his words was true WITHOUT ASKING. And to go one step further...even if the significance were true, I get to choose whether I accept his opinion or judgment.

6. What is my choice right now--to be offended or to follow after peace?
By examining the offense, I can actually choose to follow after peace instead of wallowing in the hurt feelings I experienced because of the "supposed" offense. As a result of doing this exercise, I discovered that Michel didn't offend me at all. The offense came in my own mind from my own judgment. All he did was say some words! Isn't that amazing?

Take care in gratitude, Vicky :o)

To be or not to be. . .offended

For the past few days, there has been quite an uproar over some editorial cartoons that were published in Denmark and France depicting the Prophet Mohammed in a derogatory way. These cartoons have offended Muslims and other religious people around the world for their insensivity to and disrespect of people's religious beliefs. On the other side of the debate, of course, is the cartoonists' right to self-expression.

As I thought about the cartoons, the inflamed response to them, and the debate they have caused, I saw parallels in my own life about how often I get offended by the way people interact with me.

The word offend has several definitions. The one most of us think of when we think about being offended is the second entry--"to cause difficulty, discomfort, or injury" or "to cause dislike, anger, or vexation." However, for me the first definition is actually more relevant--"to transgress the moral or divine law: sin" or "to violate a law or rule: do wrong." The fact is when someone offends me, it is usually because they have violated my rules and beliefs about how someone should act toward me or how they should express themselves when they are in relationship with me.

For example, the other day I had an experience with Michel where he changed his tone of voice with me, speaking in what I considered a very condescending way. My reaction was: "He is not allowed to speak with me that way! How dare he! He is not respecting me or our relationship!" Later we discussed the situation and I understood why he spoke the way he did. But the real issue was why did I get offended at all? The answer? Because he violated the rule/belief I have that no one is allowed to speak to me in such a tone, and if a person does, it means that I am less worthy than, not as good as, etc., that person. Without that rule/belief and its corresponding meaning, there would have been no offense.

In reality, I have the choice whether to be offended or not in any situation that comes my way. I am the one who establishes the rules and beliefs that govern my relationships with others. And I assign the meaning to someone's words or actions that results in the offense I experience.

I want to use offenses as an opportunity for understanding and for chipping away that which is not honest and authentic in myself. I want to give others the space and freedom to express themselves without feeling like their thoughts and words somehow violate my rules/beliefs or invalidate who I am.

Here are some questions I plan to use the next time I feel I have been offended.

1. What rule/belief did the person violate?
2. For what reason do I have that rule/belief?
3. How important is that rule/belief to me now?
4. What particular significance or meaning have I assigned to the person's response?
5. How do I know if that significance or meaning is true?
6. What is my choice right now--to be offended or to follow after peace?

After considering these questions, I believe I will be better able to communicate with the other person and express my point of view. Then, instead of disunity and disharmony, there will be an opportunity for unity and growth.

Take care in gratitude! --Vicky :o)

Coming out of hiding: On being vulnerable

If you examine my blog, you will notice that I haven't been very consistent in my postings. I want to share the reason. After I posted in October, a dear friend in California read my blog and told me that my writing revealed a lot about me. Actually, that freaked me out quite a bit! I told Michel (my life partner) that I didn't want to reveal myself to my readers. So I stopped writing.

Recently, though, I was told, both by my higher self/soul and by an astrologer, that I have spent most of my life hiding, and the time had come for me to stop. So writing my blog has become a way for me to open up to myself and to my readers, to be willing to reveal those things I have kept hidden so that I could maintain the facade I have carefully constructed all of my life.

Since breaking my ankle, I have been reading one of Wayne Dyer's books Your Sacred Self: Making the Decision to Be Free. This book has been the perfect companion for me as I have lots of time to read, digest, think, and begin to put into practice what I am reading. Last night I came across this passage on page 204:

What exists within you is not some kind of hideousness that needs to be lied about. There is nothing imperfect about you that requires you to create a whole world of deception in order to make you worthy in the eyes of others. There is a loving presence residing within you. It is as perfect as Michelangelo's David, just waiting for you to allow it to emerge.

Isn't it amazing that many of us have had the idea that if anyone was to truly know us, they would despise or hate us? They would discover how _____________ (put any scary or derogatory term in the blank) we really are! So we spend our lives creating masks that hide the truly marvelous beings we are just so we can be who we think others want or need us to be.

I am determined this year to remove my masks. I have to admit I feel fear typing the previous sentence. That idea of being hideous in the depths of my being is a belief that I am going to have to work on!

Of course coming out of hiding does mean that I will be vulnerable. I looked up the word vulnerable and it comes from a Latin word meaning to wound. When I am vulnerable, I am opening myself to the possiblity of being wounded or hurt by others. However, who or what really gets wounded? I believe my higher self/Soul is incapable of being hurt by another human being or by any experience that happens during my life. My higher self/Soul is sacred, eternal, and unconditionally loving. So when I get wounded or hurt, it really is my ego/false self, that illusion I have created, that suffers pain from the words and actions of others or from the situations life presents. And it is those very hurts that provide me the opportunities to chip away what is unauthentic and dishonest to emerge as my honest and authentic self.

So the choice is mine (as usual): I can continue to create the masks and the illusion of who I want others to believe I am or I can decide to come out of hiding, be vulnerable, and learn to reveal my authentic self. When I consider the first option, I think of the now famous Dr. Phil question--"How's that working for you?" Since my answer is "Not very well!", I choose the second option. After all, what do I have to lose except something that is not and never has been real anyway.

Take care in gratitude!
--Vicky :o)

Happy New Year--with a bang! Part 3

And the saga continues...

Two days before my next doctor's appointment, Michel and I finalized by telephone how I was going to get there. His uncle would indeed be able to take me, which took a lot of pressure off of me. I really could not picture myself going to the doctor's appointment by taxi. I knew I would need help.

I got up very early on the Wednesday morning of my appointment. Michel's uncle, Marcel, said he would be leaving his home early to try to avoid the early morning commute into Montreal. I was ready by 6:30 a.m., sitting by the door telephone in hand. Marcel was going to call when he arrived in Montreal. I waited and waited. Finally he called me at 7:15 a.m. He told me (in French) where he was and asked for more precise directions to our house.

After hanging up with Marcel, I called our landlord who lives in the same tri-plex. The landlord had agreed to take care of the sidewalk for us while Michel was out of town. I called because I was concerned about ice underneath the snow that had fallen the night before. The landlord's wife said he would be over before he left for work to shovel. I mentioned about the ice but she didn't think there was ice under the snow.

Marcel and our landlord arrived at about the same time. I got myself up the stairs (on my behind) and into a chair at the top of the stairs. I got ready to stand up after being reassured by both Michel's uncle and the landlord that the walkway would be safe for me to walk on with crutches. I placed my crutches in what appeared to be a non-snowy/non-icy place. All of a sudden my left crutch (the same side as my cast) started sliding away from me. I was on ice! The heel of my cast hit the ground but fortunately, Marcel was standing next to me and kept me from falling. The landlord and Marcel offered to stand on either side of me while we walking down the walkway, which is maybe 2-feet wide. I knew that this was not a possibility. It was "magic carpet" time.

Marcel got the magic carpet and I maneuvered myself onto it. He proceeded to pull me down the walkway. I then had to back myself into Marcel's car. It was not glamorous but I made it!

We arrived at the hospital for my appointment. We were about 20 minutes early and the waiting room was already filled with people. It was another day of waiting--waiting to have my x-ray taken (almost an hour), waiting for the doctor (15 or 20 minutes), waiting to have my cast replaced (10 minutes). Fortunately, though, my ankle was healing well and the doctor told me that at my next appointment (2 weeks from that day), I would get the cast removed and have an x-ray taken without the cast. If all was well, I wouldn't have to wear the cast any longer. (Yeah!!!)

I went to the cast room for my new cast. I was happy to see my leg and ankle again. In fact, other than some bruising and a little swelling, my leg and ankle looked almost normal. Once I had my new cast put on and my appointment made, we returned home. The landlord had put lots of salt on the walkway so I was able to use my crutches to walk back to the apartment. I am so thankful that Marcel was able to take me that day. He drove for 1-1/2 hours and changed shifts with another person at his work so that he could help me. He was even kind enough to bring me muffins.

I was glad to be home and encouraged to finally see light at the end of the 6-week tunnel of cast, crutches, and confinement. My next appointment is a week away. I'm looking forward to getting out of my cast and reaquainting myself with my leg and ankle. Of course, I realize that it will take time for the bone to heal completely, to build up the muscles in my leg, and to be able to walk without crutches. I am looking forward, though, to being able to walk outside, to go to the market, and to go downtown again. But for now, I need to be patient, to allow my body to heal, and to learn the lessons this experience has presented to me. Future updates to my blog will discuss these lessons.

Take care in gratitude! Vicky :o)