Anger: Looking in the mirror of unmet needs

The other day I received a daily inspirational email from Higher Awareness.com (check my list of "Links to Explore"). The subject was anger and this quote drew my attention: "It’s our thinking - our blaming and judgment - that causes the anger. And we blame and judge because we have a need that has not been met." (Emphasis mine.)

Not one to accept ideas at face value, I started thinking back to the recent conflicts that I had had with Michel, conflicts in which I felt angry. As I did so, I realized that behind the anger was a indeed an unmet need. And not just the need to be right! :o) Sometimes, it was the need to be heard or to be believed or to be understood. Examining these needs revealed to me that each is a facet of what I define as love and is part of those "rules/laws" that I have implemented to govern my relationships and my life. (See blog entry about offenses.)

The irony of unmet needs is that I am the only one that can fulfill them! In fact, what the conflict and the subsequent anger indicate is that I'm not taking responsibility for the underlying need! For example, if I am feeling:

The need to be heard--The question for me is: How often do I listen to myself, to the wisdom of my Soul?

The need to be believed--The questions for me are: To what degree do I trust in what I believe is true? How much do I believe in myself, my experience, my feelings?

The need to be understood--The questions for me are: How understanding am I about what is happening in my life? How compassionate am I toward myself?

The need for love--The questions for me are: How am I demonstrating love to myself? How can I show myself more love?

I am a person who hates conflict and angry feelings. This quote shows me that anger is actually a mirror, revealing what I consider the unmet needs in my life. So, I don't need to blame or judge another when my anger surfaces. Instead, conflicts and angry feelings provide an opportunity for me to see my unmet needs, examine them, and take responsibility for them.

Take care in gratitude! --Vicky :o)