Accepting What Is

One of the first lessons I started to learn after I broke my ankle was to accept what had happened and what was happening as a result of the fall. My first instinct was not acceptance, however. My first instinct was to upbraid my clumsiness and to keep thinking back to the moments before the fall and how I could have changed the ultimate result. So, swirling in my mind were questions:

Why didn't we drive to the restaurant with Michel's aunt and uncle?

Why didn't we let his mother drive us instead of insisting on walking the 4 blocks to the restaurant?

Why didn't I allow Michel go back to the house and get the gloves I forgot?

Why didn't I accept Michel's offer to use his gloves?

WHY DID I HAVE TO FALL AND BREAK MY ANKLE?

These questions continued until the next day. At some point, I asked Michel the last one...Why did I have to fall and break my ankle? He said that the fact was I had broken my ankle and that's the way it was. No amount of questioning or replaying scenarios would change the fact. In other words, I could fight against what had happened through these useless mind games or I could accept what happened and live the life that resulted because of what had happened.

This exchange with Michel brought about a real "aha" moment for me. I felt that my eyes were opened and so was my understanding. At the time, I was familiar with Byron Katie's Work about loving what is but now I saw its direct relevance to my life. I realized that all those mind games just made me more and more frustrated. They closed me off to living in the present moment. They created mental exhaustion and stress, which has been proven to have an effect on healing. They focused my attention on the problem of my broken ankle instead of on the possible solutions to aid in its healing.

As I look back on that day, I realize that that "aha" moment has helped me throughout the healing process. In fact, I used it just the other day when I was wishing I could be walking to the store. I kept thinking, "I want to be outside. I want to be walking. I don't want to use my crutches any more. I'm going crazy staying inside all the time." On and on my wild thoughts went, until all of a sudden some different thoughts came through: "Why not be grateful for how well your ankle has healed already? Why not accept that right now this is what is happening in your life? Why not live right now?" Those thoughts stopped the wild ride on which my mind had been flying. Once again, I was centered and accepting of my life and my situation exactly as they were.

This lesson is one that I will learn over and over I'm sure. I strive so hard in my life, and yet all that striving and worrying makes living life less than enjoyable. In this case, though, once I let go of the wild thoughts, I was able to focus on healing and to learn to enjoy the quiet time I had been given. I was able to see and open myself to the lessons that presented themselves as a result of breaking my ankle. I was able to live life the way it was instead of the way I wanted it to be.

Take care in gratitude, Vicky :o)