Dreaming Félicia

Félicia would often sleep with us at night. The process went something like this. First, she would jump on the bed and make her way toward my chest. She would climb aboard and position herself just so. Then, she would purr and really immerse herself in the caresses she would insist I give her. Eventually, she would get off--by her own choice or by my persuasion--and position herself at the foot of the bed next to my feet. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I would shift in my sleep and feel this "rock" (she weighed over 20 pounds) at the end of the bed. ;o)

The night we said goodbye to Félicia I had a difficult time sleeping. So the next morning after Michel left for work, I went back to bed and I dreamt of Félicia.

In the dream, I am in bed sleeping, believing that it is October 1 and Félicia is gone. Then, I feel Félicia down at my feet, very carefully creeping near my feet as usual. Her creeping has awakened me and I realize it really is Félicia! I am amazed and ecstatic. I sit up in the bed and start talking with her excitedly. "Félicia, you're here! You're alive! You're all right!" I reach toward her to pet her and at some point she has jumped off the bed and is lying on her back and I see her tail stretched out. I am trying to play with her and pet her at the same time. She is being playful and stays just a bit out of my reach. I keep saying, "Félicia, you're all right!" I know that Michel is coming home around noon that day and can hardly wait to show him that she's alive.

When Michel does arrive home, I try to tell him and show him that Félicia is alive and there with us. He can't see her, so he doesn't believe me! To help him see her, I put a large star that is on a yellow and orange ribbon around her neck. This ribbon necklace is too long for her. The star is quite large and looks like a star you would see on a general's uniform. The ribbon and star remind me of the Olympic medals given to athletes. In the dream, I am hoping that Michel will at least see the ribbon necklace move even if he can't see Félicia. The dream ends there.

I have a Native American friend who once told me that when a loved one's spirit/soul departs, it usually takes about a year before he/she adjusts in the journey to the other side. When you dream of that person, it means that he/she is settled and ready to help you. I find it amazing that Félicia has already come to me in a dream. And, of course, I believe she was only doing what I asked--letting me know she was all right.

As we walked home from the vet that night, Michel said he visualized Félicia standing next to Yoda and the other Jedis from the Star Wars movies, luminescent and ready to be of assistance. I have posted a photo that he created to portray our little Jedi Master.

--Vicky :o)

Félicia's Leaf

Félicia was an indoor cat all her life. In our previous apartment on the second-floor, she was able to go out on our balcony, but in this basement apartment, she was only able to see directly outside from the sun room. During Autumn, she would position herself on the large window sill and try to catch the falling leaves as they swirled and danced outside the window. On particularly windy days, she would go back and forth chasing the leaves--such a funny sight!

Félicia had stones that irritated her bladder. The pain she associated with peeing in the litter box would cause her to pee other places. One place she tried was the carpet in the sun room. We couldn't let her continue that behavior so we had to keep her out of that room. We were sad because we knew how much she loved looking at the birds, the squirrels, other cats that came by, and, of course, the leaves.

Imagine my surprise yesterday when I went into the sun room and saw this sight out of the window: a leaf suspended in mid-air as if by magic. Immediately, I went outside to take some pictures. I have posted one of them; I titled this photo "Félicia's Leaf." Ironically, when I tried to take a picture of the leaf from inside the sun room, the only place I could get a good shot was the sill where Félicia would usually lie to observe the world outside.

Michel came home early yesterday and was able to see the leaf and take some photos of it, too. A few hours later the leaf was gone. No trace of it remained. In the 3 years we have lived here, I have never seen a leaf suspended like that.

As Félicia was leaving her body, I asked her to let me know she was okay. The appearance of this leaf, the arrival of the parcel after I posted my last entry, and the presence of Félicia in a dream I had the morning of October 1, which I will recount on another day, all seemed to be her way of letting me know that she is just fine.

--Vicky :o)

Goodbye to a Special Friend!

Last night we said goodbye to our cat Félicia. To honor her, I have posted her picture. This picture shows her love affair with boxes, no matter what size! She always loved when we got parcels in the mail. She would watch patiently as we removed our "treasures," waiting until we gave her what was left. Then, it was her turn to explore in as many ways as she could think of. :o)

I will write more about her in a future post.

"Cats come and go without ever leaving." --Martha Curtis

--Vicky

P.S. Today, several hours after I had posted this entry, we received a parcel in the mail. Perhaps Félicia was sending me a message? I like to think so. :o)

On Saying Goodbye and Letting Go...

The poem posted here is one I wrote last month. This poem is just another step in a year long journey of examining and evaluating attachments--deciding which to keep and which to release.

Letting go is a difficult task, even when I know that it is the best course of action for my well being and spiritual growth. What might you need to let go of to create new vistas on your spiritual journey?

--Vicky :o)

How Do I say Goodbye?

How do I say goodbye?
When the time has come to leave,
When your path is no longer mine;
And I know now I must go
Or be forever deceived
By the brilliance that is you.
How do I say goodbye?

How do I say goodbye?
When I see that what you say
No longer agrees
With the Voice inside of me,
The One that guides my feet along this path
And knows exactly what I need.
How do I say goodbye?

Realize this:
I do not say—“You are wrong;”
That what you have is not the truth
Indeed it is The Truth for you.
But for me:
The way is clear and I must stand
In The Truth that governs my path, my Way,
And so I simply say . . .
Goodbye.

August 18, 2008
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Whose boat is it anyway?

"The more you let other people tell you how to sail your boat, the less the boat belongs to you." --Vernon Howard

This quote came "sailing" through my email Inbox on a day I truly needed it. And I have used it consistently ever since to remind myself that this life I am living is mine. While I can ask for advice and learn from the experiences of others, I am the final authority, expert, captain of the HMS Vicky. :o)

In my life, I have always put people, whether friends or actual authority figures, in a place of authority--they know more, they have experienced more, they are already perfect, fixed, or somehow more.

Hmmm...I think I see a common thread there--the word more. ;o) The minute someone or something is more in my viewpoint, it means that I am less. And when I am less, I am always needy, searching for that special something or someone able to fill that need. Of course, the reality is there is no need to fill! As someone so aptly put it: "You are the One you are searching for."

After a lot of years of giving my boat away, I am taking back control. It's not easy. There have been some perceived benefits to my allowing others to tell me how to sail my boat:

• I don't have to think for myself or listen to my Higher Self.


• There is always someone or something else to blame when things don't work out. (This perception is obviously not true since it was me who gave the "helm" to someone else!)


• There is a measure of security in being in the same boat with someone else even if it's my boat and he/she is steering!

Ultimately, life is about responsibility. I can either accept that I am responsible for all my choices and decisions--even the ones I make by not making them, or I can go through my life blaming others because my life isn't working out the way I want. I have decided on the former perspective.

About the collage: I made this collage as the cover of a birthday card for the husband of one of my friends. Although I knew he loved the water and boats, I did not know that sailing was one of his most favorite activities.

--Vicky :o)

Birthday card collage
Created using scrapbooking accessories
and a shell from Santa Cruz, California
© 2008 by Vicky Lynn Macchione

Trust Your Gut

The other day when I posted, I was going to use the collage shown with this post. But for some reason--a gut feeling?--I didn't. ;o)

I thought about the collage today because my "gut" is bugging me. It started while I was chewing the last few bits of my organic pumpkin, flax seed cereal with organic soy milk. That last bite tasted like I had eaten cigarette and ash remains that can be found in an ashtray. Now, it's true I have never ever eaten cigarettes and ashes; but when I was young, I had to clean the ashtrays my parents used. For some reason, every time I did, I could taste the ashes. It was a sensation that filled my nose and my mouth! And that's what today reminded me of only the experience was reversed: I tasted the ashes more than smelled them.

I spent about 5 minutes spitting and spewing the remains out of my mouth, gargling, and rinsing my mouth out at least 10 times. At one point, I thought I might actually throw up. (My apologies to those of you with weak guts!) When I finished purging my mouth of the horrid tasting contents, I made note of the time in case I had been poisoned. I have this belief that if you are poisoned, it takes about 20 minutes for the symptoms to set in. (Perhaps the belief came from all the crime dramas I have watched and mysteries I have read!) In any case, I am fine other than my gut is still queasy, and if I think about it, I can still taste and smell those "cigarette remains."

So now the task before me is to determine what exactly is my gut trying to tell me with such a pronounced, multi-sensory experience. After all, in order to TRUST my gut, I have to KNOW what it is saying.

--Vicky :o)

The Summer of Difference

I have not posted much at all this summer. This summer has been a summer of difference: The weather has been unusual--more rain and less warm days. The status quo has shifted often--friendships drawing to a close. Letting go has been the theme. Every time I felt like I had found a place of consistency and regularity and security, some situation would arise that upset that complacent feeling and pointed to another belief, idea, opinion that needed to be released.

There has been no resting place this summer. Either I have had times of excitement because I knew that transformation was imminent or times of disillusionment, when things I believed came in conflict with those beliefs held by my circle of friends and it was necessary to say goodbye--at least for a season.

And now Autumn is just around the corner. Hope swells in me for this new season, the season of harvest. Will I be gathering the seeds of commencement? Will the Autumn sun with its unique warmth and light bring a glowing promise of new way of seeing, perceiving, and embracing Life? I await what unfolds.

--Vicky :o)

"I am through with everything but you." --Rumi

"Wisdom"
Collage Journal page card
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Wordle--Take 2 ;o)

Here is my second attempt at making a word collage ("word cloud") using the online "toy" found on the Wordle site. People use all types of words--from song lyrics to birthday wishes. In this attempt, I gave Wordle my blog URL and let the tool come up with a word cloud. You can see other people's endeavors by checking out the Wordle Gallery. Time to play! --Vicky :o)

Abstract #3 Emerges!

This morning I finished my third abstract on canvas. The title of this one is "Emergence." I feel like the three abstracts show a progression of growth, change, and transformation.

• First, we teem (team) with Life;
  
• Then, we journey to and through the black hole of infinite possibilities;
  
• Finally, we emerge.

I really thought I was going to have to paint over the whole painting because I just couldn't get it right (whatever right is). I kept adding and changing. I was getting very frustrated! Finally, I was able to let go and just leave it as it is. Now, I am mostly pleased with the results.

Someone once said about my collages that they show how much is going on in my mind, they show too many thoughts. Perhaps that's what my abstracts say as well. However, the one thing I love about my collages is that an observer can find something new in them every time they are viewed. I hope that happens with my abstracts, too.

--Vicky :o)

"Emergence"
Acrylics on canvas

© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Abstract #2 on Canvas

I call this abstract "The Black Hole of Infinite Possibilities."

While doing this painting (and my next as well), I don't know when to stop! (Hmmm...Wonder what that means?) So I keep adding paint, and then it feels like a mistake. Then, I have to figure out how to salvage the painting! I'm sure there is a metaphor for my life in that experience.

I was surprised when Michel told me that he liked the black in this painting, even though he said he doesn't really like when I put black. I find that the black adds some kind of depth and development and contrast to this particular abstract. And, of course, the black swirl IS the black hole mentioned in the title.

One element Michel doesn't like is the swirl of paints I use. I love the swirls; they remind me of gratitude because they remind me of the Go Gratitude logo (shown below):

Expressing gratitude is something I need to remind myself to do often, which is why I put them in my paintings! Also, swirls always remind me of space and galaxies and awesome wonders of the Universe. So captured in a swirl is thankfulness and limitless creativity. Not bad for a twist of color!

--Vicky ;o)

"The Black Hole of Infinite Possibilities"
Acrylics on Canvas

© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

A Title for Abstract #1

Today I finished my second abstract on canvas, which I will be posting later. But an interesting thing happened when I was writing the title on the back of the painting: I got a title for the first abstract I did. You can see my first abstract here.

Drum roll please!

The title is "Teeming with Life." What is even more special about the title is that the word teeming is a homophone of the word "teaming." So the abstract has two meanings! (I LOVE when that happens!) Not only does the painting capture the feeling of Life's wild abundance and overflowing vibrancy--the teemingness of Life, but it also has a message: Join Life's team and embrace that wild abundance and overflowing vibrancy moment by moment in your own life!

--Vicky :o)

P.S.A homophone is a word that is pronounced the same as another word but has a different spelling and meaning. I always thought those were homonyms but Wikipedia corrected me today!

The Eyes of Spring

I created this mask for a young woman who works at the café to which I go almost daily. Her birthday is tomorrow and she will be 21 year old.

I titled the mask "The Eyes of Spring." There are so many eyes on the mask! I am particularly drawn to the girl on the forehead. That image captures qualities that I see in the woman at the café--fragility and gentleness coupled with determination and intensity.

I am not sure why I created a mask, but I love the fact that there are so many images of Spring--apple blossoms, grass, daffodils. There is a "knowingness" reflected in all of the "eyes." Something that promises new life and new hope even when the cold and barrenness of winter does not seem to want to release its hold on our hearts and our perspectives.

The Eyes of Spring know.

--Vicky :o)

"The Eyes of Spring"

Collaged Mask

© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Abstract #2 -- The Promise of Spring

Yesterday (Easter), I painted this abstract. It's the size of one of my collage cards. Originally, I thought I would use it as a background for a collage. But when I finished, I just loved it so much that I decided to keep it as is.

I have titled the painting, "Spring's Promise." To me it has the feel of flowers bursting, of Life emerging from winter's darkness, of newness, growth, and abundance.

I have been longing for Spring this year more than usual because the winter in Montréal has been quite long. We have come close to a snowfall record that was set back in 1971 (383 cm is the record). How very appropriate is this little abstract painting: a reminder to me that Spring always follows winter and the promise of new life awaits to burst forth!

Happy Easter and Happy Spring!

--Vicky :o)

Spring's Promise
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Celebrating Birth Days

My younger daughter had her birthday in February. She happened to look at my blog today and pointed out that I hadn't put any of the cards I have made for her on my blog. So I told her I would. :o)

This is the birthday card I created for her this year. The interesting part of the card is that it is in black and white. For several days before I created the card, I had the chorus of a song called "Shades of Gray" by the Monkees playing over and over in my mind. Here are the lyrics:

But today there is no day or night
Today there is no dark or light.
Today there is no black or white,
Only shades of gray.

It was these lyrics that led me to create the card in black and white. And, later I realized the only color on the card is surrounding the phrase "Be Yourself," which I believe is a message directed to my daughter from the Universe. This message correlates with the poem I wrote for her:

On this the day of your Birth
What messages will the Universe write?
Lovingly etched in the journal of the Soul,
Eternally recorded in black and white.

What Ideas whisper in your ear?
What Dreams below the surface lie?
What Desires inspire and stir your Heart?
What Visions await your perceptive eye?

Seek your answers deep inside. . .
It's there the truest Wisdom abides.

--Vicky :o)

Card and Poem
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Slowly Wading into Abstracts

I was inspired by a documentary Michel and I watched to try some abstract painting. The name of the documentary was My Kid Could Paint That. While the documentary may not have been favorable toward its subject, Marla Olmstead and her family, I was inspired by watching the cute little kidlet applying paint to the canvas. So I decided to buy some acrylics and some 8 x 10 canvases and give it a try.

What I hope to do with the abstracts I create is to use them as backgrounds for my collages, which means I am slowly taking steps toward the realm of mixed media.

When I finished my painting (no title yet), I was quite happy with it. I feel like there is an organic quality about it that shows my desire for spiritual growth and abundance. At the very least, I know using the different colors brought me healing and balancing of my energies. And, painting it was extremely fun!!!! :o)

Abstract
Acrylics on Canvas
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Every Day is Valentine's Day!

Spontaneous times are often the most memorable!

Michel and I had a lovely Valentine's Day this year, despite the fact that he believes that this "holiday" is only a commercial gimmick. (To be honest, I have only come around to this thinking in the past year or so.) He has told me any number of times that Valentine's Day is every day not just one day a year. So I have to say I was surprised (pleasantly I must say!) to find an e-card in my Yahoo Inbox this year.

Two girls who work at the café I frequent daily had been encouraging me the day before to do something romantic for Michel. So I decided to create a card for him, which I have included with this post.

Later, while I was washing dishes, I thought perhaps we could go to dinner that evening. About 30 minutes later, Michel called to say that we should go to dinner! I love when we connect in our thoughts that way.

We had a lovely dinner at a Japanese restaurant near our apartment and then had a wonderful dessert and coffee at the café. No big plans, no big expectations, and yet our evening was special, charming, and romantic. Now how can I put this kind of spontaneity to work in my daily life?

--Vicky :o)

"You opened the door . . . to my Heart!"
Valentine's Day card
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

The Title Arrives

So this afternoon the title of the card on my previous post arrived. The card's title is:

"Unmasked: The Contents are Goddesses"

--Vicky :o)

beliEve: Contents are Goddesses

I just finished this card that I originally created as the front of a birthday card for my oldest daughter. Her birthday is at the end of next month.

The title of this card has not made itself known to me; however, here are several observations that I made about this card.

• I love the way the word believe is spelled: beliEve. The name Eve comes from the Hebrew and means life. The women on this card are all vibrant with life so the name Eve emphasized in the word believe is very appropriate.
  
  
• Did you notice the other words in the title of this post? These words are also found on the card. The word Contents is found on the door. The words are and Goddesses are found at the bottom center of the card. Ironically, I did not remember that the word are appeared with the word Goddesses. But as I look at the card, its contents are indeed goddesses. (Another reference to Eve as well.)
  
  
• This card can be viewed in conjunction with the card discussed in my previous post "Seeing Behind the Mask." There are some striking similarities and contrasts. Take a moment to look at the two cards together and see what you discover.

--Vicky :o)

Collaged Birthday Card Print
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Seeing Behind the Mask

"I love it when a plan comes together." -- John "Hannibal" Smith, The A-Team

The title of this card is "The Women Behind the Mask." The idea for this card came when I found out that the mask cutout would "fit" perfectly on another cutout of a face. From that discovery came the idea of showing what lies behind the mask. And what lies behind this woman's mask? A melange of women who represent the feminine in each of us, men included. (Side note: Michel's first comment when seeing this card was: "It's all women!") ;o)

I put the quote at the beginning of this post because that's how I feel about this card. One little discovery and an entire card results. How great is that? So here's my paraphrase of the quote: "I love it when a collage comes together!"

--Vicky :o)

"The Women Behind the Mask"
Intuitive Collage Card
© 2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

Field of Grace

Today, I am posting a poem I "received" on January 14, 2008.

A Life's Purpose

To live in Beauty of the night,
To walk each moment not by sight,
To change illusions without might,
To utter "Thank You" despite my plight;
To raise awareness as I go,
To surrender will to Divine Flow,
To rely on Truth not what I know,
To walk this path is my goal.

©2008 Vicky Lynn Macchione

This page from my collage journal is entitled "Field of Grace," a phrase I saw recently in a Caroline Myss newsletter. What does this phrase say to you?

--Vicky :o)

"Field of Grace"
Collage Journal Page
©2007 Vicky Lynn Macchione