Chapter 20: Dreams Asleep, Dreams Awake (Part 2)

This manuscript is both a memoir of sorts and a work of fiction.  The stories and events included are based on my life experiences and memories but I have changed names, details, event sequences, and outcomes throughout the work.

Read Chapter 1       Previous Chapter       Next Chapter

Chapter 20: Dreams Asleep, Dreams Awake (Part 2)

Elizabeth believed that illusion was what both waking and sleeping dreams had in common. Thinking back to her art analogy about the canvas and the actual painting floating above, she could see how whether waking or sleeping, dreams were like the paintings—all were illusions when looked at from the eternal perspective of the Universe.

When in a contemplative state, Elizabeth could see everyone's thoughts and actions as layers upon layers of illusions added onto the background of All That Is—that Being-ness containing everything and everyone. A perfect example was when she went to see a movie or watched television. She would watch images on a screen (another allusion to All That Is) that recounted a story that was simply a projected illusion. And the people portraying the cast in the illusions were themselves people, whose lives like hers, were thought paintings that never adhered or altered the canvas of All That Is, but merely floated above or lay on it as if on a plastic film. Both the stories on film (the movie) and the floating paintings (“real life”) had the same fragile and illusive quality as dreaming. Most human beings, though, would argue that only the film stories were dream-like. They believed that their lives—full of emotions, thoughts, physical manifestations, and spiritual awareness—represented reality (the capital R reality), the only tangible reality there was. “Without our life stories,” Elizabeth wondered, “who would we be?” A question she was sure many people had considered.

Elizabeth recalled a period of time where she had entertained the idea that God/Source/the Universe was dreaming everything that existed. She had struggled with the idea because of the way she felt about people and places in her own sleeping dreams. When she awoke from a dream, she did not concern herself with her dream images. They were simply figments of her thoughts and imagination. If she had dreamed about someone she knew, she might think about or call the person when she awoke. But there was always a part of her that would say, “It was just a dream. They are fine. What happened was only in your mind not in the real world.”  When Elizabeth extended this idea to God-dreaming-the-world, she realized that when God awoke, all the world would cease to exist, just as her dream world ceased to exist when she awoke each morning. Elizabeth attempted to understand how her life would make sense or have purpose if God were dreaming her and imagining the events that occurred. Even trying to put words to the idea was a challenge for her.

Elizabeth had also considered the idea that God was dreaming the world to experience every possible emotion and situation that could or would ever exist. She struggled with this scenario because God became arbitrary, having little or no concern about the dream characters as individuals, but only interested in his/her own desires. Elizabeth could not conceive of a God so absorbed with experiences that he/she had no attachment to the fact that his/her need was creating painful and unthinkable situations for the characters being dreamed.

The God-dreaming-the-world scenario made Elizabeth feel fearful. She could see that her only importance and worth in the dream were her experiences. She herself had no real identity or substance since in the dreamer's (God's) waking reality, she did not exist. The irony was that God-dreaming-the-world demonstrated clearly that everyone and everything was part of a dream, an illusion by definition! Eventually, Elizabeth had abandoned the idea because God having a lack which would result in a desire was contradictory to the concept and definition of God being All That Is.

The main difference between understanding that All That Is exists as the essence of Life and God-dreaming-the-world was the value and worth of everyone and everything. In the first scenario, Love is the only truth and the one rule of existence. This immeasurable Love becomes the sea in which individual droplets of All That Is imagined Itself, created Itself, and lived Itself as Life. Each droplet is important and valuable to the oneness and wholeness of All That Is. In the second scenario, love is simply another experience, a partial fulfilling of the desire to know and experience all. Only experiences are worthwhile: The dream characters have no value to the dreamer other than how they can be used and manipulated to provide the needed experiences. Everyone and everything become tokens or pawns to be maneuvered and arranged for the dreamer's pleasure in the dream of Life. The idea of manipulation and using everyone and everything to fulfill what seemed to be a selfish desire was one that did not fit with Elizabeth's concept of God/Source/the Universe/All That Is.

Elizabeth relaxed her mind and let her thoughts wander. Thinking about God-dreaming-the-world reminded her of when her father used to tell her that she needed to come out of her dream world. She was a teenager at the time, and although she couldn't remember what triggered that comment, she knew she had heard it repeatedly. Perhaps the dream world about which her father was speaking had to do with Elizabeth's teen-aged idealism, her particular belief system about the world, or her daydreams about life. She hated that her father had admonished her that way during the time of life when one is supposed to be dreaming about the future and what possibilities lay ahead. She realized that her father most likely had the best of intentions in his warning. He may have been trying to get her to look at life more realistically and not through the lens of youthful ideals. But Elizabeth embraced the idea of looking at life realistically soon enough and spent most of her adult life doing just that. She would often add the term when she was disparaging herself or denigrating her lack of discipline: “I am just looking at life, at myself, realistically.”

Nowadays, Elizabeth wished that she could embrace and incorporate the excitement and adventure of her teen-aged dream world into her current life. That fresh perspective of new ideas, abundant possibilities, and an open-armed acceptance of life's offerings would invite magic into her daily life. How could she make that happen? What part did her sleeping dreams and waking dreams play in the unfolding of her life and her desire to see the flow of magic? If she spent time interpreting her daily life as a dream, could that make a difference?

Elizabeth looked at the clock and realized that she had spent over an hour lost in her thoughts about dreams. It was time to enter the dream of today and see what she could discover and learn about magic's flow in her imagined world.

Copyright © 2011-2012 by Vicky Lynn Macchione.
All Rights Reserved.
No reproduction of this text is allowed without the written permission of the author.

Chapter 19: Perfecting Perfection (Part 2)

This manuscript is both a memoir of sorts and a work of fiction.  The stories and events included are based on my life experiences and memories but I have changed names, details, event sequences, and outcomes throughout the work.

Read Chapter 1       Previous Chapter       Next Chapter

Chapter 19: Perfecting Perfection (Part 2)

As Elizabeth considered Vincent's observation, she felt some part of her struggling to see herself as Vincent was able to see her. Only in her quietest moments could Elizabeth catch a glimpse of this perfect, magnificent being Vincent talked about. Of course, she could usually see others in that light, at least the people who had not offended her (if she was being honest). Elizabeth's constant stream of thinking stopped for an instant and hovered on that last thought. She realized that she put those who had "done her wrong" in the same category as herself when she tried to think of them as magnificent beings: they were flawed. She contemplated that realization for a few moments. 

As she thought about the idea, she noticed that she judged others with a hierarchy of flawedness with herself as the ruler (double entendre intended). Some people were more flawed than she and others, less. That “flawedness” scale measured how far away the person was from “magnificent being” status. This train of thought brought Elizabeth to the awareness that she was basing magnificent being status on a person's actions not on who the person really was. Vincent had often said to her when she had made a mistake or behaved in a less than kind way: "Elizabeth, that's not who you are." 

Elizabeth felt a growing stillness inside as if some important discovery was hovering at the edge of her consciousness. "Perhaps my equating what people do with who they are has clouded my understanding," Elizabeth thought. She had always been taught that people act and spoke from the heart, from who they were on the inside. But if people don't see themselves as who they really are—as magnificent beings—how can they act or speak from that knowledge? They are more apt to act and speak from their “flawedness” viewpoint, which is in itself flawed. What a vicious circle!

Elizabeth considered her constant need for others' approval. "What exactly am I seeking from others?" she wondered. She had noticed that many times when she received a compliment or a positive comment, which indicated the person's approval, she would question the person's sincerity. Her flawed viewpoint of herself resulted in her inability to accept another person's positive opinion.

Thinking back to the concept that actions came from a person's core, Elizabeth thought of cause and effect. What she had been taught was that essence created action, cause created effect. But what if you didn't know your magnificent being essence, you only knew your untrue thoughts about your essence? Your actions would not stem from your true essence but from your misguided thoughts about your essence. Since thoughts have to be thought, they are actions, too. "Who is thinking those untrue thoughts and why?" she queried to herself. 

Elizabeth remembered that many years ago at the church she was attending at the time she had received a prophecy from a visiting minister. She couldn't remember the whole prophecy even though it was only a few sentences long. But she did remember the question that was asked: "Is it (the Christian life) about being or doing?" The question was relevant to life itself. If she applied the idea to the present line of thinking, she saw that one's essence—the magnificent being part, the God-spark part, the eternal part—was Being. Everything else would fall into the doing category, even the untruthful thoughts.

Elizabeth got a picture in her mind that illustrated the being versus doing concept. She imagined an immense blank canvas, beautiful, unmarked, and pure in its whiteness and light. Then, she saw herself painting her life on the canvas. Her thoughts made the background color of her life painting, completely covering the canvas, on which she drew and filled in the events and experiences of her life. But everything she thought or did never really affected the canvas; it was as if all the paints floated just above the expanse of white—even the background color she had added—never affecting the canvas's beauty and purity. The canvas simply provided a space on which the painting could happen. 

Elizabeth thoughts drifted to her work with Photoshop and how she created pictures by using layers. The huge canvas was similar to a locked background layer, a layer that could not be altered or changed during the creation process. Elizabeth could imagine that her canvas was joined and connected to every other being's canvas, all united as All That Is. Once again, she thought of the scripture in Acts 17:28— "For in him (All That Is) we live and move and have our being; . . . ."

In her analogy, the canvas represented being and the actual process of painting represented doing. Thinking through the analogy had helped Elizabeth understand how her thoughts could obscure the truth that she and others were magnificent beings. These thoughts, then, governed and controlled the way she felt and acted. She could also comprehend how Vincent could say that her actions were not who she was. The final realization came as a result of the parallel she saw between the Photoshop locked background layer and the underlying canvas. Nothing she did, thought, or felt nor anything that anyone else did, thought, or felt about her could ever change the beauty, purity, and flawlessness of the magnificent being she was. The actions never actually integrated with her core; they were illusions layered upon the truth of Being. 

What Elizabeth thought most enlightening about her realization was the fact that whether she received positive approval or negative criticism, neither could affect her magnificent being status. Approval and criticisms only affected that first layer, the one that she created with her thoughts. She clearly saw that her thoughts controlled her point of view and how she related to others and to Life itself. All her actions came from whether she believed, embraced, and operated from the truth of who she (and everyone else) really was—a magnificent being. This insight further revealed how Stacy's mirror principle was grace in action, always showing Elizabeth what she was believing and thinking at any given moment. So when Elizabeth was looking at her artwork or a piece of writing and picking it apart because of its lack of perfection, she was really picking herself apart, finding flaws that only existed in her misguided thoughts, revealing that she accepted her own created illusions as an accurate and truthful representation of who she really was.

Reflecting on her mental journey, she recognized that moments of insight like today's were pieces of magic in the puzzle of her life. And the similarity of the canvas analogy with her desire for magic to flow through her life was not lost on her. "Is All That Is synonymous with magic?" she wondered. Yet another question to add to her growing list as she continued her quest for a magical life. 

Elizabeth turned her attention to the day ahead. She hoped she could hold onto today's new understanding the next time someone failed to give her the approval she felt she needed. (Of course, perhaps the first step she needed to take was to stop believing that she needed anyone's approval; well, except for her own!) Only the events and experiences of the coming days would reveal how this new awareness would influence her, but for now she opened the door to embrace the day that awaited her presence.

Copyright © 2011-2012 by Vicky Lynn Macchione.
All Rights Reserved.
No reproduction of this text is allowed without the written permission of the author.

Chapter 13: A Turn of Year

This manuscript is both a memoir of sorts and a work of fiction.  The stories and events included are based on my life experiences and memories but I have changed names, details, event sequences, and outcomes throughout the work.

Read Chapter 1       Previous Chapter       Next Chapter

Chapter 13:  A Turn of Year

Christmas had quietly crept in and out of Elizabeth's life this year. As she awakened, she thought back to the holiday that had taken place just a few days before. Vincent had had to work, so they just had a small celebratory dinner on the one day he got off. They had not attended his family's Christmas get-together. Now, the new year loomed large on the horizon.

Elizabeth arose and proceeded to do her morning rituals—making the bed, putting away the dishes, preparing her breakfast, her thoughts ruminating about the new year. For the past several years, she and Vincent had done some kind of a ritual around the new year, saying good bye to the old and anticipating the new. One year Vincent suggested that they write letters from their future selves, the selves that they would be in one year. At the end of that year, they had read those letters to see how what was written had played out in their respective lives. Another year, they had written down old habits, thoughts and actions that they wanted to let go of in the new year. They had buried their lists in one of Elizabeth's plants. Last year, they had drawn different cards from the various oracle and angel decks that Elizabeth had. Each card selected came as a result of a series of questions that were focused on the year ahead. Once the card was selected, they each took turns discussing how the card spoke to the question posed. Elizabeth had found this ritual online and had very much enjoyed the process. She had recorded the questions, the cards, and her interpretations regarding her life in her journal. 

 

Elizabeth didn't have a plan for this year's ritual. In fact, she hadn't spoken to Vincent about what to do. He had been working long hours because of his schedule and extra overtime, so they hadn't spent much time together other than sleeping. Elizabeth knew that Vincent's work schedule could be very intense. So she decided she would figure out a new ritual, make preparations for New Year's Eve, and surprise Vincent with a dinner and the ritual.

As Elizabeth started thinking about the new year, she thought about how much people loved a fresh start. For her there were two times of the year that always seemed to offer that new page: January and September. January, of course, was the beginning of a new calendar year. September was the beginning of a new school year, and even though Elizabeth had not been in school for many years, she still felt the anticipation and the freshness that a new school year offered to parents, teachers, and students. 

Elizabeth considered why a fresh start seemed so important to everyone. Excitement, anticipation, hope, belief in possibilities and opportunities were just some of the feelings people had when something new was beginning. Those were the emotions from which the seeds of New Year's resolutions sprouted; the accompanying vision of successful outcomes was what caused them to grow. But the breaking of those new resolutions quickly resulted in the death of the tender seedlings of possibility and brought disillusionment about the idea of a fresh start.

For many years, Elizabeth, like so many others, had resolutions to eat less, exercise more, take better care of herself, to be this or that, or to achieve some other self-improvement goal that she thought would make her happy, more worthy, or more valuable and in demand by others. And like so many others, those achievements had been few and far between. That's why in the last few years, Elizabeth had stopped making New Year's resolutions. Instead, she had created a Magical Miracle Manifestation box where she would put what her desires, not just for the New Year, but during the year as well. 

The idea for the box came from Denise Linn's December newsletter a couple of years before. To begin, Elizabeth had found a wooden box in which she kept her lavender soaps. She took out the dividers and followed Denise's basic instructions for creating the box. But she added her own flair by collaging the box lid with elements, cut-out pictures and words, that spoke to her about magic, miracles, and manifestation. She used some doodles to decorate the four sides of the box, which, per Denise's instructions, should also include the words “Thank You.” 

Elizabeth remembered that when she was choosing elements for the lid, she had found the word surrender. When she got ready to glue that word on the lid, she couldn't find it among her cutouts. She was going to varnish the box lid even though she couldn't find that last element but for some reason had decided to wait. The next day she found the cutout laying in plain site amongst her other elements, the very place she had searched repeatedly the day before. A veritable piece of magic, so appropriate given the name of the box.

 

Elizabeth believed that the word surrender was essential to the collage and significant for the box's intended purpose. The point of the box was to put in slips of paper on which Elizabeth would write desires that she wanted to manifest during the year. But to cling to those desires as if they were more important than what she needed to learn or who she was would be counterproductive. No, surrender meant to be willing to accept an outcome that did not mirror exactly what she had in mind. Elizabeth thought that others might think that was contradictory. Why put desires in the manifestation box if you were willing to accept a different outcome? She often had felt that same way. But at some level (maybe at the level of her soul, Elizabeth wasn't sure), she knew that what she really desired might not be what she had written but some other feeling or result that might or might not come from her original desire. There was also the possibility that her desire might be limited and a greater manifestation was being offered but her preconceived result might cause her to not see or receive a better option.

The Magical Miracle Manifestation box was also about having a grateful outlook. The words “Thank You” on each side of the box were a reminder to show gratitude for all she had been given. Elizabeth knew that she often failed to have an attitude of gratitude. She tended to look at what was missing in her life rather than the abundance that Life presented to her each day. Surrender, Elizabeth believed, also helped with gratitude. The word pointed to the fact that there was some greater purpose to what was happening in any given moment, that the whole world that she saw, knew, and experienced was conspiring to help her to live a magical life and to achieve her life purpose (even if she still didn't know what that was).

Of course, she had to have a measure of faith to think about her desires being manifested or to use a box for that reason. Elizabeth thought about that phrase—"a measure of faith." She could not remember a time when she didn't believe in some higher being or universal energy that gave and sustained life. As a child she was raised a Catholic and later had become a born-again Christian, which meant that for most of her life, Elizabeth had believed in God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, and the Bible. The main difference between the two belief systems had to do with the need for priests to act as go-betweens for believers. In the past few years, her concept of a personal God had changed. While she still believed the Universe was personal, relevant to everyone individually and collectively, she had ceased to see God or Source or the Universe as a judge with one prescribed way of finding All That Is. She began to see All That Is as more of an energy, a flow of love, a benevolence that enveloped all of Life. Elizabeth thought of a Bible verse that captured in a few words what she believed: "For in him, we live and move and have our being," although Elizabeth wouldn't use the word "him" to indicate All That Is. At this point in her life, she was embracing and identifying with the Divine Feminine, the Divine Mother, more than the masculine versions of God with whom she had been raised. Of course, she knew and believed that All That Is encompassed both the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine.

Elizabeth's faith, though, wavered at times as to how God viewed her. Part of that came from the doctrines and dogmas she had absorbed through Catholic catechism and Christian Bible classes and sermons. She was well versed in the idea that all were sinners and releasing one's belief systems was never easy. She had spent most of the last eleven or twelve years examining her belief systems and deciding which beliefs were relevant to her life and which ones could be let go of because they no longer brought her peace or seemed like truth for her. But letting go of long-established beliefs is not simple. Elizabeth felt that some beliefs were almost built-in and the idea of being unworthy of God was one of those beliefs. Rationally, Elizabeth knew that no one is unworthy, but some part of her was very good at pointing out her flaws. In fact, it was that same part of her that had ridiculed and berated her when she didn't keep her New Year's resolutions, using her lack of commitment and follow-through as proof of her inherent unworthiness and weakness. Elizabeth was sure that others had experienced the same condemning voice because of failing to adhere to their own yearly resolutions.

Elizabeth suddenly realized that she still had not come up with a ritual for New Year's Eve. She really wanted to create a new tradition this year. Hoping for some fresh ideas, she sat down in front of her computer and started a search. Just a couple days before the new year knocked on her door. Would it show up alone or would magic decide to show up with it?

Copyright © 2011-2012 by Vicky Lynn Macchione.
All Rights Reserved.
No reproduction of this text is allowed without the written permission of the author.