Chapter 15: Vincent, A Love Story

This manuscript is both a memoir of sorts and a work of fiction.  The stories and events included are based on my life experiences and memories but I have changed names, details, event sequences, and outcomes throughout the work.

Read Chapter 1       Previous Chapter       Next Chapter

Chapter 15: Vincent, A Love Story

Elizabeth always found it unusual that Vincent would choose a woman who was larger than he was. Of course, he was fairly thin for a man, so finding a woman his size or smaller would have been a challenge. The difference in their weights was only one of the opposites that made up their relationship. There was the age difference—Vincent being more than twenty years younger than Elizabeth. There was the language difference—Vincent's first language was French and Elizabeth's was English. There was the perspective difference—Vincent believed himself to be magnificent and saw life as an adventure with mostly positive outcomes. Elizabeth saw herself as "crap" (Vincent's descriptor of the attitude she had about herself) and viewed life as a fearful forest full of dangers and pitfalls she had to guard against and to overcome. ("With that point of view, is it any wonder that I only see pieces of magic in my life?" Elizabeth wondered to herself.) There was the country difference—Vincent coming from the only province in Canada that believed itself a nation; Elizabeth coming from what some considered the country (nation) with the most opportunities and riches—the United State of America. So many differences and yet they had been together for more than a decade.

Elizabeth thought back to their first meeting. Unlike most people who meet in person, she and Vincent had met online in a chat room dedicated to Spirituality. (Currently, the online chat rooms were determined by the messenger service; in the past, people could create rooms dedicated to a particular subject.) They met one Saturday and started chatting. During those first few conversations, they decided to email each other. Actually, Elizabeth asked Vincent if he wanted to exchange email addresses. He wasn't sure, though, because he thought that one person might email and then the other wouldn't reply. But eventually he relented and they started emailing one another.

Between the meetings in the online chat room and the emails going back and forth, Elizabeth and Vincent started a friendship. In the beginning, Vincent was actually trying to help Elizabeth with her marriage. She would talk with him about her husband and about the change in the love she was feeling toward him, a love of respect for him as a person and a father but not necessarily the love for a husband and a lover. Vincent tried to help her by talking with her about his own challenges with finding a relationship that could last. His current girlfriend was already pulling away from him emotionally, not really giving their relationship a chance to grow and bloom. Over the next several months, the two online friends would share their disillusionment with love as it was occurring in their respective lives and their belief that a relationship could be a living, growing, organic dance of love and mutual agreement between two people. Eventually, each experienced a dissolution of their relationships: Elizabeth divorced her husband and Vincent's girlfriend walked away from their relationship. 

Elizabeth and Vincent's friendship continued and, subsequently, became something more. Elizabeth remembered clearly when it changed. During one of their weekly chat sessions, Elizabeth mentioned how she lacked confidence in herself. In the chat box, Vincent had described himself as scooting over and whispering in her ear, saying, "Why don't you have confidence in yourself?" Elizabeth smiled and tried to explain how she always felt inadequate and so lacked confidence with others. Their online conversation continued and at some point Vincent wrote a special message next to his online name: thisnorthernfellow: loves you. Elizabeth felt like time stood still and she could hardly breathe. She wasn't sure if he meant the universal love people have for other people or if he meant romantic love. It quickly became clear that Vincent had found the love he was looking for in Elizabeth. Elizabeth already believed that she loved Vincent but never thought that a younger man would be interested in a divorced woman in her mid-forties.

The two decided they should meet. Elizabeth made plans to visit Vincent, planning to stay for one week. Fortunately, she still had vacation time remaining. She bought the round-trip airplane ticket, made arrangements for her older daughter to stay with her 16-year-old daughter, and prepared for the trip. 

Elizabeth recalled that the trip had been a series of "firsts" for her—her first airplane flight, her first visit to another country, and her first meeting with Vincent. Her daughters accompanied her to the airport when the day of the trip arrived. Elizabeth could still feel the excitement and anticipation as the plane took off. She had mentioned to the woman sitting next to her that she had never flown on an airplane before. Elizabeth was unaware that the woman had reported that fact to the stewardess. When the plane landed in the connecting city, the stewardess presented Elizabeth with a pair of wings to commemorate her first flight. What a magical occurrence!

Elizabeth arrived in Vincent's country that evening. She emerged from customs and there was Vincent waiting to greet her. He kissed her on both cheeks, the customary French greeting, and they walked outside to catch the shuttle to the hotel she had booked for the first night. Although she was wearing a winter coat, she didn't have it zipped up. When they got outside, she was startled by how cold it was. She was nervous and had a difficult time zipping her coat. Vincent helped her. Their eyes met. In that instant, a breathless Elizabeth knew that she was completely captivated by the man standing in front of her. She felt her heart jump with excitement as she realized, “I am deeply in love with this man!”

Every day of that first visit with Vincent was amazing. He showed her around his city. She loved everything he showed her. They spent many hours walking, talking, and enjoying each other's company. They also traveled to one of the most charming cities Elizabeth had ever seen in her life. After a day of walking around and seeing that city's sights, they spent the night in a delightful, old world hotel. (That visit had had such an impact on Elizabeth that every year since, Vincent and she had made a trip to that city in the autumn to celebrate their first meeting.)

The week quickly came to an end and soon Elizabeth was saying goodbye to Vincent at the airport. Her heart felt heavy and she whispered to Vincent, "Please don't forget me." Vincent took off a silver ring he always wore, an ankh, and gave it to her. Vincent believed the ankh represented eternal life and gave it to Elizabeth as a symbol of their love and their eternal life together. Elizabeth gave him a ring she had bought just for the trip, a silver ring with a heart-shaped setting holding a rose quartz stone. Elizabeth had chosen the ring because rose quartz stood for love and self-worth. Giving it to Vincent symbolized her trust in him and their growing love. They made a pact right then to chat every evening until the day they were together again, despite the challenge of the three-hour time difference. As tears filled her eyes and love overwhelmed her heart, Elizabeth kissed Vincent for the last time before she boarded the plane. Looking back, Elizabeth had not been aware the extent to which her life would change after that momentous visit.

When considering her years with Vincent, Elizabeth always thought about how he made an effort to differentiate between who she really was—the eternal God spark—and what she did or how she acted. He would tell her, especially in their first years together, what a magnificent being she was, which was not based on her appearance or her behavior or what she thought about herself. This foundational point of view was why he never had had problems with their age difference. He saw each of them as the same age: eternal.

Vincent also had a unique perspective on disagreements and conflicts. As they began their life together, he had wanted them to make a particular commitment to each other: Each agreed to make the effort to believe that no matter what the other person did or said, the resulting actions or words were never meant as an intent to wound. Vincent was better at the agreement than Elizabeth. She had more trouble detaching from words and actions when she was in the heat of an argument. She noticed, too, that as the years went by, both of them had had moments where they had forgotten that agreement. Fortunately, situations would come up that would remind them how much they loved each other and how neither one would ever intentionally want to cause harm or distress to the other.

Elizabeth had thought Vincent's ideas about relationships were quite unusual for a man of his age. Even though he didn't believe in marriage, he did believe in commitment and staying true to the person with whom you were in relationship. He often told Elizabeth that their marriage was a secret ceremony occurring between their two hearts, witnessed by God, and sealed by their love. “How romantic!” she thought.

Elizabeth smiled as she remembered Vincent's thoughtfulness throughout the years. In their first year living together in his country, he had gone to a florist shop and brought her home a pot full of daffodils just because he knew she loved them. (At the time, he was in a job that didn't pay much, which made the gift even more memorable and amazing.) A few years ago, when she had broken her ankle and had been housebound for close to six weeks, he rented a car and took her on a surprise outing to a particular movie theater that would be easy for her to access even though she was still on crutches. And later that same year, he had surprised her with a trip to a mountain park where there was a large telescope opened to the public. Vincent knew how much she loved the stars and all the wonders of space. He was able to keep the destination secret until they had almost arrived. Elizabeth was so impressed and touched that he made such efforts to please her.

Vincent's most recent surprise was a special gift for her birthday. While Elizabeth had always been a person who made a fuss about birthdays, Vincent had never been one to celebrate his or anyone else's birthday. Elizabeth had tried to get Vincent to change his attitude by demanding that he remember her birthday with some special card and gift. Unfortunately, that change hadn't occurred. (Elizabeth had experienced many other disappointments at birthday time because no one could ever live up to her high expectations of what constituted an acceptable birthday celebration.) Elizabeth had decided that this year, she just wouldn't expect anything and limit the celebration to a cake bought from a local bakery. 

The actual celebration took place a week early since Vincent and Elizabeth were traveling to visit her children the day after her birthday. Earlier in the week a parcel had arrived addressed to Vincent. Elizabeth didn't know what was inside but noticed a name on the customs slip and did a quick Internet search. (She possessed a detective-sized curiosity streak.) She found a web site where a woman constructed handmade nests with different types of birds in them, and Elizabeth knew that Vincent had bought her a present for her birthday. She was ecstatic! 

Elizabeth told Vincent about finding the site and told him thank you, even though she still didn't know exactly was in the package. Vincent was slightly disappointed with Elizabeth because of her insatiable curiosity, but he knew that she would be surprised by which birds he had chosen.

On the day chosen for her birthday celebration, Elizabeth and Vincent walked to a nearby bakery to pickup the cake and then stopped for a light supper at a small sushi restaurant on the same street. The dinner was perfect and Elizabeth really enjoyed her time with Vincent. When they arrived home, Vincent got the cake ready by adding candles while Elizabeth got out the plates. Vincent sang a French birthday song as well as the old standby “Happy Birthday to You.” Elizabeth blew out the candles, anticipating the gift that was sitting close by on the table.

After the cake was served, Elizabeth opened her gift. Inside she found a tiny nest, which was the home to two tiny bald eagles. Elizabeth was touched and enthralled as she placed the nest on the palm of her hand, looking at the two eagles nestled comfortably in their tiny abode. Vincent said the eagles were like the two of them, cozy and snuggled together in their apartment and their life. 

Vincent had gotten the idea for this wonderful gift when he recalled that during the spring, Elizabeth had been following a webcam set up nearby the nest of a pair of bald eagles in Decorah, Iowa. Checking the cam several times a day, she had watched the parents care for their young and followed the eaglets as they grew and eventually became fledglings, able to fly on their own. So when Vincent found a woman online who created birds from felt and placed them in nests, he was sure that he had found the perfect gift for Elizabeth.

Recalling these memories reinforced Elizabeth's belief that meeting Vincent was a wonderful and enchanting piece of magic. As she thought back, she realized that many magical moments had occurred during their time together. Encountering Vincent on the Internet all those years before was a divine appointment that had opened a door for her to a new life and a host of new experiences in another country. Elizabeth knew their story was special and unique as was their love and commitment to each other. Elizabeth felt her heart overflowing with a feeling of gratitude for Vincent and for all the events that had had to happen for the two of them to be together, living a life of adventure and wonder (even if Elizabeth failed to notice the wonder rather often). “Thank you,” Elizabeth whispered to the Universe and turned her attention to the day ahead.

Copyright © 2011-2012 by Vicky Lynn Macchione.
All Rights Reserved.
No reproduction of this text is allowed without the written permission of the author.

Chapter 4: Commitments and Shattered Expectations

This manuscript is both a memoir of sorts and a work of fiction.  The stories and events included are based on my life experiences and memories but I have changed names, details, event sequences, and outcomes throughout the work.

Read Chapter 1       Previous Chapter       Next Chapter

Chapter 4: Commitments and Shattered Expectations

November dawned crisp and clear with a luscious blue sky. Elizabeth awoke with some anticipation because she would be able to ride her bike since it wasn't so cold, certainly above her self-imposed limitation of 5 degrees Celsius. She still went through the daily scan and mostly she felt pretty good; yes, she felt a twinge below her right shoulder blade but that wasn't enough to dampen her bike riding excitement.

As she arose, she contemplated the month. Besides being the month of American Thanksgiving, one of her favorite holidays and one that she missed most living in Vincent's country, it was also the anniversary of her first visit here. That visit opened the door to what had become her life with Vincent and their commitment to be together. She had had other commitments in her life, commitments that she thought would last a lifetime but they hadn't.

She was married for many years to a fine man, who was a good husband, a good father, and a good provider. When she got married, she thought it would be "for keeps," never knowing that she would be the one to end the marriage. Although as she thought back on her honeymoon, she remembered asking her new husband, "Do you think we will still be together in five years? How about twenty-five years?" Was it some kind of prophecy that she would have mentioned twenty-five years? Could that have been the flow of magic working in her life, giving her a glimpse of other possibilities that awaited her future arrival? She had never considered that idea before.

As she reflected back on what she liked to call "her former life," she thought of her three grown children (she still liked to call them kidlets). Two of them had made peace with the divorce—the youngest and the oldest. But the middle kidlet continued to have problems with the idea that his mother, the one he could depend on to always do what was considered right and proper (there were those rules again), had done what was inconceivable in his expectations of her. She had divorced his father and gone to "live in sin" with another man, a younger man at that, and in another country. At first, he saw her as disgraceful; but later, he mellowed a little but not enough to communicate with her even when she visited her other kidlets. Elizabeth's son had chosen his alliance and that was with his dad. "After all," he had apparently told his sisters, "if Dad had a girlfriend and the woman dumped him, I wouldn't go and visit her when she came to town."

Despite her sadness about this situation, Elizabeth loved her son and believed that in time he would find his own way back to her. And while she longed for a closer relationship with him, she understood that shattering someone's expectations of who you were and how you behaved created a rift of abyss-sized proportions. Her decision to divorce had had the same effect on her ex-husband—shattering his expectations of being married to her for life, of having a wife who could work while he took his retirement or at least slowed down. He was older than she, and he had worked hard in the building trade for almost the entire time of their marriage. He had supported her when she returned to college to achieve her goals of getting a Bachelor's degree followed by a Master's degree. Why shouldn't he expect that she would do her part by working while he looked forward to retiring?

Shattered expectations were hard to mend, Elizabeth knew, but keeping commitments for the sake of others was difficult, too. She had stayed in the marriage despite the fact that she had been growing increasingly unhappy. The reason why had eluded her. At some point, she had felt that if she didn't get out of the marriage, she was going to die, not physically necessarily, but some part of her would. Perhaps her hope for the coming years had been in the process of dying. When she envisioned her future with her husband, she could only see another twenty-five years of the same life she had already experienced. She had no goals and felt no closeness to her spouse. Even though she still loved him, the type or quality of the love had changed. She loved him as a family member not as a lover or a confidant. She wasn't even sure that they were exactly friends at that point in their life together.

From Elizabeth's perspective, a radical change would have been necessary if the marriage was to continue but her husband had a different point of view. He had not wanted to change or seen any need for a change. He believed that the marriage was the best it had ever been. And therein lay the problem between them, a seemingly impassable chasm that swallowed up the marriage and any possibility of a viable relationship. Even the counseling they had tried had not been able to build a bridge between them mostly because of Elizabeth's loss of hope and vision.

Her decision to end the marriage had been self-preservation. She still believed if she had not walked away, she would have abandoned herself to the life that her husband wanted and a vision that she no longer shared with him. She chose herself, resulting in her son, and perhaps others as well, to label her as self-centered.

That decision was made and finalized over a decade ago. The commitment she had now was to Vincent but also to herself. She still found herself falling back into her old ways of thinking—putting others first, ignoring her own needs, doing whatever needed to be done to be liked and approved of, but she had very little patience with herself when she chose that road, the one she had previously most often traveled.

She also wondered about her own shattered expectations; after all, everyone has at least one expectation that falls by the wayside along life's path. But what came to mind was a question: how had she shattered her own expectations? As she considered the question, she noticed that shattering one's expectations could also be seen in a positive light. Athletes have expectations for themselves and then during a competition actually exceed their goals—that could be seen as shattering an expectation. Yet another perspective for Elizabeth to examine.

As she meandered through the forest of her thoughts, Elizabeth wondered if the change in her attitude brought about by the divorce and its repercussions could be perceived as a kind of magic. But the notion disappeared almost immediately from her consciousness. Instead, she remembered her bike and the day that awaited her presence, and with pleasurable anticipation, off she went.

Copyright © 2011-2012 by Vicky Lynn Macchione. 
All Rights Reserved. 
No reproduction of this text is allowed without the written permission of the author.